So… Somehow it’s late November, 2011, and Thanksgiving is next week. I’m not entirely sure how that happened. It feels like the days are flying by faster and faster and faster.

Here’s what we’re having:

Turkey – I don’t usually stuff it with stuffing, but I do put onions and such in it for flavor. Got the Turkey for free this year, through a vons.com deal.

Stuffing – Stovetop. ‘Cause I like it, and it’s easy, and I got it for $0.99 this year.

Cranberry sauce – I’m the only one who’ll eat it.

Dinner rolls – We always have those Kings Hawaiian rolls, it’s turned into a tradition.

Mashed Potatoes – I’m going to use my Kitchen Aid mixer, and a recipe I got from it. Joseph likes potatoes.

Gravy – I don’t make great gravy from scratch, it’s really hit and miss. So I bought jarred as a backup just in case.

Carmen’s Corn Pudding – Never tried it before, but this is for Logan, who doesn’t like potatoes.

Pumpkin Pie – I make the filling from scratch, but buy pie shells, ’cause I have serious rolling out issues. No really, you don’t want me to roll out dough for anything. It’s embarrassing.

So – it’s a good mix of convenience and scratch cooking. I’ve done the Thanksgiving meal for all about 5 years or so, and I’m learning what I like, what I don’t, what the other family members like and don’t, and where my strengths and weaknesses are. The one problem I always have, though, is oven space. My turkey takes up the whole space. So, even though my parents are going to be out of town, I’m going to use theirs.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have I mentioned I’m in therapy? I’m sure I have. Yesterday was therapy day.

I talked about a situation at work. I had made a mistake. I had assumed something, because that was convenient, and with some other things outside of my control, let to an error. I was a writhing mass of anxiety. I don’t make mistakes at work. So I brought it up at therapy. Any kind of “badness” or conflict creates this massive anxiety in me.

After we talked in therapy, we figured out together why. I don’t want to be “in trouble,” or yelled at, or anger thrown at me. I’m a grown woman. It seems that I’m fine when it comes to conflict involving my kids’ care (Hello, mama bear!) but me? Not so much. So we kept going back further and further. While I do come from an abuse situation, it feels like it stems from my very first memory.

I was living in New Jersey with Jeannette (my biological mother, for those who don’t know my story) and my “step-father.” Quotes – because I don’t know if they were ever actually married. In our apartment, I was coloring in a book on the kitchen floor. I went “outside the lines,” and colored on the floor accidentally. When my step-father questioned me, I lied and said it wasn’t me. He picked me up, and took me, my crayons, and my coloring books, put us all in the bathtub and turned on the shower (cold not hot). At the time, I had a terrible fear of the shower, so I was always given baths. The result? Coloring outside the lines, literally and figuratively, practically gives me hives. I didn’t take a shower for years. Probably not until I was about 14. And I hate hate hate making a mistake and/or getting in trouble. It eats at my stomach.

So… We talked about how despite the fact that I’m really good at my job, I’m still a human being, and human beings aren’t perfect. That’s life, and life is messy.

Sometimes I hate being a human. Humans hurt.

I read a lot of forums. For the most part, I’m a lurker, not a participant. Every once in a while I need to stop, though. Not because of the content, but because of the lack of punctuation. I’m not saying you need a degree in English – but common punctuation is good. It gets your point across with clarity, and gives the mind the natural places to pause. For example, here’s the former paragraph in the form I run into:

i read a lot of forums for the most part im a lurker not a participant every once in a while i need to stop though not because of the content but because of the lack of punctuation im not saying you need a degree in english but common punctuation is good it gets your point across with clarity and gives the mind the natural places to pause for example heres the former paragraph in the form i run into:

Throw in spelling errors and your eyes bleed. Here’s the bottom line… If you’re not willing to make it legible, it degrades the credibility of whatever information you’re trying to get across in the forum. You sound illiterate and ignorant. Am I just being snobbish? I don’t care about the odd type, or the odd misspelling. I know there are words I struggle with. Like “exercise.” I NEVER spell that word correctly the first time. But that odd run-on kind of thing with no punctuation? It makes me feel like I’ve got a stream of consciousness thing going on – but it’s not MY stream. Annoying.

I’m a little out of sorts today. Not sure why. I have a big project due for work, so perhaps it’s that I have a deadline looming? I don’t know.

Luckily, I had a check come through, so I’m able to replace my desk lamp. I went to turn it on this morning, and nothing. I’ve gone through 3 lightbulbs in 2 months. So, I think the lamp has finally bit the dust. It lasted a long time though! I had it next to my bed growing up. For a cheapy lamp, it had a long long life. So I got Poe and I matching desklamps. Also cheapy – but the better ones are $100-$200 a piece! I can’t spend that on small lamps! It goes against my constitution. Anyway, they match the decor I’m attempting in the office (nice but not too masculine or feminine, going with the burgundy/navy blue color scheme) since Poe and I share the office. I definitely need one, because our office is off the bedroom, and it’s kept like a cave so Poe can sleep during the day, and I need to be able to work.

Logan lost a tooth last night (and made $3). That took me by surprise! He had told me one was a little loose, and then he stumbled in to bring it to me after he was supposed to be asleep. At least he didn’t swallow it. The adult tooth is rightthere where you can see it, so it looks like the baby really hung on a long time. I was worried he would have my teeth – his smile was so similar – but the gap in his front teeth is closing, and the one he lost last night is one of mine that are still baby. (Yes, I still have baby teeth at 36 years of age.) So, it looks like he dodged my tooth bullet. Now let’s hope both kids dodged their dad’s tooth issues.

OK. Gotta go get motivated to work.

Sundays are lazier than weekdays for me, but more active than Saturdays. On Sundays, I do some fun stuff (DVDs or playing WoW). But I also do household chores, and basic things to get ready for the week so all is not chaos on Monday.

So, today… Laundry and dishes will be done. Bills will be paid. Grocery lists made, and coupons cut. Basically, that’s the plan. But if I don’t get to it all, that’s OK too. The whole point is to make the week easier – but to be nice to myself at the same time.

The biggest hitch to the bliss of weekends? The children. The boys get along great – until they don’t. And that cycle continues all.day.long. Both the boys are good, kind, smart folks. But with each other? The mind boggles at how they can get so mean so fast to each other. They treat each other worse than they would even consider treating anyone else in their lives. I just don’t understand it, and I have yet to come up with a way to solve it. Siblings. Ugh.

I apologize for any weirdness or spelling errors. I’m currently on muscle relaxants and they make me fuzzy.

Before we got married, I informed Poe about my bodily idiosyncrasies. In short? I am a freak. I’ve written about it before, so I won’t go into the backstory too much.

Warning – If you are male, or hate discussions of bodily functions – stop reading. I’ll continue below the fold – but the fold doesn’t show on my feed, so stop reading now if you’re squeamish.

(more…)

Poe and I have been married for 13 1/2 years. We were babies at merely 21 and 23. Have I ever done our story? I really ought to do that – it’s a good story. He’s a good man. So, very much not perfect – but neither am I. Oh MY! does he have stuff to put up with me. And I love him. However, I would like to post the following as an open letter to my husband.

Wife, 87, Shoots “Cheating” Husband, 88

…allegedly told police that she only “intended to scare the shit out of him” and “just went a little bit beserk” since “he was stepping out on me, and I just got pissed off.”

1. The article is worth reading.

2. Her husband is okay.

3. You go girl.

4. I hope I have that much Oomph at that age.

So, yesterday was date day for me and Poe. It’s really kind of sad and pathetic.

Babysitting is an issue for us. Due to Joseph’s issues, my parents don’t really feel comfortable watching him. With both their issues, we are damn well not going to hire a teenager. A “real” babysitter (ie: Nanny or AuPair or Child Development person) is WAY out of our budget. Any my best friend – while I completely trust her – has her own family, and so I hate to ask her unless it’s really really important.

Thus, grocery day is date day. Tuesdays are the one day Poe is with it during the day. He will have slept the night before, and doesn’t work that night, and so Tuesday’s the day. While the kids are at school, we hit up all the stores (going for the various sales/coupons), spending the time together child free.

Yesterday, we went to CVS, Vons, the bank, the Church of the Holy Touchdown (you’d have to be a local to understand) to vote, Rite Aid, and finally Ralphs. We spent a ton of money (which we had to spend on groceries, Yay!) stocking up on things on sale. You don’t really know money issues, unless you don’t know if you’re going to be able to buy milk for the kids that week. So, when we’re flush, we don’t waste the money on something frivolous – we buy food. By the way? If you need paper towels? My house is the house to come to. There was a sale. Now we won’t have to buy for a long time (kind of the point).

So that? Is our date. A little sad. But it’s time we spend together, both awake at the same time, not at home where we’re distracted by interests, work, chores, or kids. Plus, between our bad backs, between the two of us we equal one person buying groceries.

I told you that we’re trying to be more prepared around here in the event of an emergency. Part of the planning of that includes creating community.

Think about it. Most of my friends are online. Either they’re my online friends, made while blogging. Or they’re old friends, and we connect online. But honestly? Only one lives nearby – even she is 1/2 hour away. I’m not so much “antisocial” as much as I am very solitary. I enjoy my solitude. And my life has shown me that relationships are messy (duh). Messy usually ends up very painful for me, and so I choose to withdraw. My husband and I both like to just be alone or with each other. I hate hate hate crowds as well. Joseph has social phobia, and so I got a special needs pass so he could enjoy Disneyland – and it was THE BEST TRIP I ever took there. So, he comes by it honestly. OK, now what if an emergency happens?

My friends are online. 99% of them are in another state. So – they can’t really help. In addition, there are a whole host of emergencies that will take out the electricity. No electricity, here, means no internet. I do have an old rotary phone, just in case, so my phone (a cordless with answering machine) isn’t dependent on electricity, but what if the phones go out? What if it’s extended? What if you need help? What if you need to gather for safety in numbers due to looting? Enter the need for local community.

I found some “Prepper” groups on Meetup.com. I’m going the Saturday after Thanksgiving for a meet and greet for coffee. These groups basically provide training on various things that people are experts at, and provide a local community. I’m dreading this meeting, but it is necessary if we’re serious. I’m just going to have to get over this – my own insecurities.

I know it sounds ridiculous all this prepping talk. But watching the world today… It just seems prudent. All these earthquakes in places that don’t have them, make me dread the next one in California. Strange weather. My area was flooding just this last weekend. Fires – of course. And the socio-political-economic climate seems to be on a razor’s edge that could go either way.

I know I sound crazy. But it’s my gut – And I have to listen to my gut. Which means leaving my comfort zone. I don’t wanna, but I gotta.