Woot!
Well, I’m 185. That’s a loss this week of 2.4! Yeehaw! Ok, I don’t normally say yeehaw, but it works here. I stayed on the plan, drank my water, worked out twice, and a third inadvertent workout while packing. And a couple of the days were a real struggle in both extremes. On one day I barely ate all my food, and missed a snack - just a really long stressful tiring day and I wasn’t hungry. On another day, I wanted to eat everything in sight. But I stuck to the plan, and gave myself a treat of sugar free chocolate pudding with fat free cool whip. That satisfied my sweets craving. I’ve lost my first milestone of 5 pounds. I lost it before I came up with a treat for myself. I still can’t think of what that treat should be. I do want to add goals/rewards to the sidebar. I’ll have to think on that today. Although I will be getting my Star. But I’m patting myself on the back for staying on program even though the rest of my life is going through topsy turvy changes.
Catching up
I’m still working the plan! Yay! I weigh in tomorrow, so we’ll see if I’ve lost any more. As for activity… Just so we’re clear, I hate moving. I HATE IT. So, I joined Push.tv. I’ve done that twice this week thus far. Plus on Saturday and Sunday I was working on packing up the house, so I strapped on the iPod and danced. And sweat. Literally dripping sweat - so I’m counting that. Especially coming from none. I belong to Netflix, and I play World of Warcraft… So this is what I think I’m going to do. You know, to trick myself into working out. When I do not have a Netflix movie, I don’t work out - I play WoW. When I do have one in… I have to work out first, and then watch my show. I know it sounds messed up, but if you knew my love of movies and TV series via dvd, you’d know how motivational this is for me. Basically the point is to do whatever I need to do to motivate myself to get off my ass. That’s it. I’m trying - which is more than I’ve been doing, so I’m happy.
Crap
So yesterday night, I went off plan and had McDonald’s. Wednesdays are just our most difficult day, time wise, with a bazillion different necessary things - and it was just easier. Well guess what? Last night and this morning my stomach felt like utter crap. There’s a lesson there for me. Crap = Crap.
Weigh In Day
So - today marks my last day of the first week of JC. I did really really well. I stayed on program but for a couple things. One meal - due to an impromptu friend’s barbecue. I just kept my portions controlled and based it on hunger, so I’m happy with that - and had one beer. C’mon it was a barbecue. And I didn’t eat a snack due to eating dinner so late that night I just wasn’t hungry at all for it. I also had a bit of a booboo. Poe got the groceries this week, and I asked him for skim milk or 1%. He got 2%, which I’ve been using in my cereal, drinking my vitamins down with, and lightening my coffee with. Oh well. But! I weighed in at 187.4, a loss of 4.6! I know it’s water weight - I don’t really give a damn. Especially since it’s been TOM. Woo hoo… Something finally went right!
Quick jot
Just tracking some measurements for last Wednesday, 5/30… I’m going to create a table, but I’m also going to lose this little piece of paper… Now I have a record.
thigh 27.5″
waist 40.5″
hips 45″
breasts 43.75
starting anew
So, I’m starting anew with Jenny Craig. I’m using the Jenny Direct program, because I’ve received really really bad customer service from my local center. I’m going to really go for this. And - yesterday was a perfect program day! Can’t argue with that! So… Wednesday is going to be my official weigh in day. Which means that for Future MILF and MayDay Challenge purposes the tracking day will be off, but that’s okay. I’m not going to start working out until next week. This week is all about getting the food right, and getting all my water in (as well as taking my damn vitamin - I’m always forgetting to.) As part of the JC program, I bought Touchstones for Success program as well. I wouldn’t have - money’s tight - but it’s featuring Martha Beck, and I really really like her. There’s a DVD portion as well as a CD portion, and touchstones (that are really really pretty) for reminders. Today’s touchstone: Compassion. “Compassion is my touchstone to freedom.” On the program today, there was an exersize in which you had to express what you felt when you read back the negative things your “restrictor” says to you. What does my restrictor say to me? That I’m weak. Fat. Not good enough. Ugly. Stupid. Have no self control. You’ve blown it now - there’s no hope for you. And then she asked us what we felt when we read what our inner restrictor says that. I thought, “Well it’s certainly not nice.” She went on to say that some of us might not actually be in touch with what we feel about it - or can’t verbalize it. When you can’t get in touch with an actual emotional feeling, a good thing to do is get in touch with how we’re feeling physically first. So, you put your feet on the floor, hands to the side and breathe in and out about three times. Then you start with your feet. How do they feel? Mine were a little tingly. Moving on up…. My hips were sore… nothing of note with the rest… And then we moved on to the chest. And I started to cry. This took me totally and completely by surprise. She sort of paused at the chest and said that we might start feeling something there… Yeah. So - how do I feel about the things that my inner restrictor says about me? Utter sadness. Enough that if I let myself actually feel it, instead of pushing it away, or eating it away, is enough to make me cry. But if I stop and actually feel it - and tell myself that I want me to be happy - in 3rd person if that’s how it has to be - I felt better. I did. So, I figure if I had that visceral reaction to a little breathing exersize, I should probably finish this set that I bought. My touchstone is sitting here next to the computer keyboard with me. And I’ll try to remember all day that Compassion is my touchstone to freedom.
crappy
Sorry, but I feel like crap. I don’t know if I have a sinus infection and/or ear infection and/or cold. So, it might be scarce around these parts for a couple days.
A change
Well… After this week’s debacle of a weigh in, I decided on something. I need more help. I need more than me and my skills. I need food - preprepped. At least until I can get a handle on myself. I joined Jenny Craig. I should be starting in one week (I’m doing the direct plan from home since I couldn’t stand the consultants at my local center). We’ll see how it goes. I gasped a little at the cost. But my weight is out of control. Apparently this is my “scary weight.” The last time I went on JC (they still had my records) I lost 26 pounds with them. The start weight then? 0.2 pounds off my current. Lord. I want to be a MILF. I want to be healthy for me, true. But I also looked at it as if I wasn’t me. Objectively, looking from the outside, is this person I’ve become the mother I want for my children? No. The wife I’d want for my husband? No. We’ll see how it goes.
You have GOT to be kidding me
Hmph. 192.4 This is so wrong. First of all - IN ONE WEEK??? REALLY??? I need to get back on the wagon with preparation. And my TOTM is coming. I know that. BUT 192.4?? So very very wrong and all I have to say about that.
+5.4
I’m around
I’m around - just don’t feel really good today. I’ll be back for weigh in tomorrow.