starting anew
So, I’m starting anew with Jenny Craig. I’m using the Jenny Direct program, because I’ve received really really bad customer service from my local center. I’m going to really go for this. And - yesterday was a perfect program day! Can’t argue with that! So… Wednesday is going to be my official weigh in day. Which means that for Future MILF and MayDay Challenge purposes the tracking day will be off, but that’s okay. I’m not going to start working out until next week. This week is all about getting the food right, and getting all my water in (as well as taking my damn vitamin - I’m always forgetting to.) As part of the JC program, I bought Touchstones for Success program as well. I wouldn’t have - money’s tight - but it’s featuring Martha Beck, and I really really like her. There’s a DVD portion as well as a CD portion, and touchstones (that are really really pretty) for reminders. Today’s touchstone: Compassion. “Compassion is my touchstone to freedom.” On the program today, there was an exersize in which you had to express what you felt when you read back the negative things your “restrictor” says to you. What does my restrictor say to me? That I’m weak. Fat. Not good enough. Ugly. Stupid. Have no self control. You’ve blown it now - there’s no hope for you. And then she asked us what we felt when we read what our inner restrictor says that. I thought, “Well it’s certainly not nice.” She went on to say that some of us might not actually be in touch with what we feel about it - or can’t verbalize it. When you can’t get in touch with an actual emotional feeling, a good thing to do is get in touch with how we’re feeling physically first. So, you put your feet on the floor, hands to the side and breathe in and out about three times. Then you start with your feet. How do they feel? Mine were a little tingly. Moving on up…. My hips were sore… nothing of note with the rest… And then we moved on to the chest. And I started to cry. This took me totally and completely by surprise. She sort of paused at the chest and said that we might start feeling something there… Yeah. So - how do I feel about the things that my inner restrictor says about me? Utter sadness. Enough that if I let myself actually feel it, instead of pushing it away, or eating it away, is enough to make me cry. But if I stop and actually feel it - and tell myself that I want me to be happy - in 3rd person if that’s how it has to be - I felt better. I did. So, I figure if I had that visceral reaction to a little breathing exersize, I should probably finish this set that I bought. My touchstone is sitting here next to the computer keyboard with me. And I’ll try to remember all day that Compassion is my touchstone to freedom.
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