Sparks and Butterflies

So, it’s Monday, which means it’s time to update you on ME around the web.

You already know about this one. But I’m mentioning it anyway because HELLO! I was on CNN.

Article up at Special Needs Bliss, Advocate – Enough Said. A bit of a rant, cleaned up for non-personal blogness.

Another article up at Special Needs Bliss, How to Find Special Needs Programs.

The $250 Giftcard Giveaway for Capri-Sun Sunrise is still going strong over at Butterviews! The deadline isn’t until July, so be sure to enter if you haven’t already.

And I didn’t say “Dude” once!

I’ve decided on Monday’s to do a basic rundown of what I’ve done online in the previous week, if anything, so I’m not pointing it all out every entry, but I’m still letting you know what’s going on for me.

I landed a ghostwriting gig for parts of an ebook that’s WoW related, so that’s kind of cool. I’m done with the project, but that may lead to a WoW blogging position.

I highlighted Yom Kippur Reflections on Blog Nosh. Anna T. is a sweet soul, and I was excited to be able to highlight a mainly unknown blogger.

I highlighted Haagen-Dazs Five on Butterviews. Not a product review per se, but the one tried is damn good.

I highlighted the Hunger Pledge on Butterviews. They were my sponsor for SxSW. A very good cause, with many ways to contribute – and not all financial.

I reviewed Yanni Voices for the One2One Network on Butterviews.

I reviewed the Ballas Hough Band for the One2One Network on Butterviews.

Three posts in one day.  That may be a record.

Announcement:  My husband, Poe as you know him here, came home today with his box of belongings in hand.  Yes, he was laid off.  No, there was no inkling ahead of time at all.

That makes two unemployed people in the household.

There have been tears.

I feel myself going into fix it super project assistant mode (cue superhero theme music.)  Which is good – I’m good in a crisis.  But seeing as this here is my journal it seems only fair that I warn you that whining may be ahead.  Also ahead, posting of Poe’s resume (hey – you never know!) and upping the marketing of Vineyard Virtual Services as well.  Please be patient with me.  And maybe gentle and kind as well.

Things are a little raw.  There’s the money, yes.  But well – money’s money.  The more stressful tidbit is that we have a heart patient who will have surgery in the house (Logan) and no medical insurance as of today.  The ax came down hard.

It seems stupid now, but Poe and I talked about it.  I’m still going to SXSW.  The networking possibilities for my business are countless, and since he can now take me to and from the airport (ahem) the only costs will now be food and gratuities thanks to the fact that I won the trip.  Thank you Wal-Mart.  Let’s face it – my business is a service, and I need to get it in front of the eyes of the people who can use it.

So.  If you’re the praying sort, I have a few specific requests:

1.  That I don’t lose it.  I cannot lose it.  I need to remain calm and functional.

2.  That Logan has no immediate issues that need attending to.

3.   That Poe keeps his self confidence intact, which is so necessary for the interviewing process, not to mention as a man.

4.  That we are good stewards of what we have, and that our physical needs are met.

5.  That the family remains healthy and whole, both physically and emotionally.

My thanks in advance.

I cannot believe I didn’t finish my blissdom updates.  I’ve been really sick, and I want to catch up.  So now, we’ll just have to have Friday & Saturday smushed together and just mention the highlights.

I finally met Deanna.  We’ve been corresponding online for years.  YEARS.  But I didn’t know who she was.  I just stared at her, ’cause she looks just like someone from my old work.  The synapses in my brain were misfiring.  Anyway – she introduced herself.  She thinks I’m sweet.  heh.  And she MIGHT be helping me with the site a little bit.  A little bit of refining, let’s say.

I met and saw a whole bunch of people.  People that I needed to meet, that I wanted to meet, and folks who were new to me, as I didn’t follow their blogs.  All of it was wonderful.  I even got to squish a baby girl, which was bliss.  I’m not going to list everyone – ’cause it’s DAYS later and I’ll forget someone and hurt their feelings.  Which I know how that is, so I don’t want to do it.

The swag was fabulous.  Especially the bag – it was a GREAT bag.  No blazing logo, and really sturdy (Land’s End.)

I finally ditched my laptop in my room.  It was great in my room as a setup, but I think it might be time for an iphone or blackberry.

The sessions were really helpful.  I followed the Maven track.  I really got a lot out of them.  I wrote down good ideas to follow up on in the future.

Of course, I had to pause in my blogging conference goodness to take care of a baseball issue for Joseph.  Remotely.  Because it never stops.

I ended up skipping Friday’s cocktail party.  I was people overloaded for one.  I was really tired from not sleeping well on Thursday.  I did NOT want to dress properly.  I didn’t want to make nice or be somewhere loud.  So I took a nap in my room.  I slept better in that hour than the whole of Thursday night.

I got into my moo-cow jammies and hit up the pajama party.  Watched Mamma Mia.  Has to be the cheesiest movie ever – however I loved it, so what does that say about me?

All of Friday and I still had yet to take a picture.

Saturday was a huge day for me.  Huge.

The sessions were great.  The presentation of Yanni Voices was great…  As well as those beautiful men who were there for questions after.

In the session on PR, there was an announcement that Wal-Mart was going to sponsor two people to go to SXSW.  I entered the contest on a break between sessions.  The becomes important later.

If there was a complaint to be had – I’d say that it was the customer service of the hotel in terms of food.  I truly believe that the hotel had no idea WHAT to do with all of us.   So – I had lunch on Saturday – grabbing and going to the next session, ’cause I had to wait for the whole lunch break in line for the food, since they ran out.

After skipping the last session on getting published – that’s when I was writing my angsty post in my room – I did attend the Chris Mann concert.  His music was great, yes.  But he made it a lot of fun.  He actually took the time to research who we are, and what this conference was about.  He was making twitter jokes, and pausing between songs to read the tweets about his performance.  He actually connected with us – made an effort – and that was really impressive to me.

Jen Lancaster was the keynote speaker.  Which of course was great.  And I was able to meet her as she’s friends with Deanna, so that was a lot of fun.  Deanna and I will probably go to her next book signing in the L.A. area and meet up.

Also during the day, I met up with White Trash Mom.  Dude.  She reads me – how cool is that?  We talked about some business she might like to do with me (?!) and parted ways.  I can’t even tell you how excited I was about that.

I went to the cocktail party that night, but did NOT dress up.  Probably an etiquette faux pas, but had I gone back to the room, I would not have come back down, and I knew it.  I had two Blisstinis – which were actually quite good for this total lightweight.  Watched some karaoke and the electric slide.  No – I didn’t dance – we didn’t want anyone injured.  I was at the bar trying to get a drink when Christine was pointing to me and pantomiming “I need to talk to you!”  I don’t know her, and was first introduced to her blog  in a panel I watched, so  I did the whole look around thing and pointed to myself, “Me?”  “Yes you!”  Okie dokie.  I slowly made my way around to the other side of the bar, at which point she informed me that I had won one of the trips to SXSW!  ME!  I was floored.  And then immediately went outside and called Poe.  Can you imagine a better place to pass my business card around?

I called it a night soon after that.  I had my morning flight home the next day.

All in all?  I will SO go next year if I can budget for it.  It was worth it in information, it was worth it in reinforcing some existing friendships, and it was worth it in terms of networking.  Awesome.

Unfortunately, these are the ONLY two pictures I managed to take the entire weekend.  BAD BAD BLOGGER.

Vintage Squirrel (who was gracious enough to have lunch with me on Friday) and I.

VDog and Tanis.  Trust me to make sure that one of the only two pictures I take has boob grabbing involved.

The Bloggies are currently in the nomination phase.  I have nominated my own darn self in the Lifetime Achievement category.  Why?  Because I’ve been blogging since “online diaries” in 1995.  And my archives here go back to 2000 – I’m a DINOSAUR in the blogging world and I want my cookie.

Please also nominate Blog Nosh Magazine…  Our editors, and our editor-in-chief, work very very hard.  I nominated it in the Best Group Blog category.

You have to pick three for your nomination to count, so pick someone else (you perhaps?)

And another thing!

The Weblog Awards are in their voting phase.  Blog Nosh is nominated in the Best New Blog category; and Blissfully Domestic is Nominated in the Best Parenting Blog category.  You can vote once per day…  Please vote because you love me!

And just a smidge more…

I published a post on Blissfully Domestic on Occupational Therapy.  And over on Blog Nosh I edited a post on living your life with purpose.

And I think that’s all I needed to update you on.  I don’t schmooze too often…  How’d I do?

I recently left a comment on someone’s post – about feminism no less – which I’m not linking as I’ll just get comments on that person’s post, which totally isn’t the point.  The point is – All of a sudden I was leaving a ranty comment about how I’m a failure at this WAHM mom stuff, and nothing’s getting done, and I’m busy all day and totally exhausted, and yet you can’t see that I’ve done a thing.  Not one of my most stellar moments.  However, I noticed that most the comments after were partially towards the poster’s entry, and then they would turn to me.  There they were encouraging me on someone else’s blog.  And you know what?  It helped.  It really really helped.

In other news, I may have just landed my first client for Vineyard Virtual Services.  Contracts haven’t been signed yet – but WAHOO!

So, I’ve been home a couple weeks now.  Three?  I don’t know, the days go by so fast.

The first thing that comes to mind is, I’m exhausted.  I was exhausted before.  But this time, I’m not stressed out too, so that’s good.  I am going to bed earlier and earlier.  My work day ends after cleaning up dinner.  And I’m just wiped.

I’m having trouble with timing.  There are things I want to do online, with the house, and with my business, and I’m having real trouble putting it all together.  Just when I get into a groove – Stop!  Have to pick up a kid.  Another groove – Stop!  Have to pick up the other kid.  Believe it or not, I’m going to be putting together a spreadsheet today in 15 minute increments, and placing blocks of time of doing certain things.  It sounds anal, but I really need to get some kind of plan in place.

But the height of excitement came when I went to Target.  At 11am.  On a weekday.  It Was Awesome.

The house is still a mess, but the dishes are always done and the laundry is on a schedule and caught up, so I really have made progress.  I used to have to do laundry all day long on the weekends, and even then it usually stayed in the baskets with me rummaging around in them to find the kids’ clothes, and mine.  And then Sunday I would spend doing all the dishes we used in a week.

It’s been a pretty big transition.  But it’s ok.  Our budget needs some more tweaking.  But I’m working on it.

That’s where my head’s at these days.

I hate being a grown-up.  I really do.

Blissdom ’09 is coming.  In February.  Considering I write for Blissfully Domestic (shut up.  I do.  I just have writer’s block.) You’d think it would be a good idea that I go.  You’d think that since I’m an editor for Blog Nosh Magazine, and Megan’s speaking, that it would be a good idea that I go.  You’d think that since I have started my own business, it would be a good idea that I go.

But it’s in Nashville.  So, flying, hotel, some food, and the conference itself, brings the cost to a little less than $1,000.  I kinda have the money.  I mean, between the money I got from leaving my job, and the Christmas fund (if I get nothing), maybe.  But I’m sort of saving for Poe’s teeth getting fixed.

I hate this.  Not to mention the kid care arranging, since my husband has to work that Friday.  I don’t know what to do.

Today is Monday.  Which means all I have to do is get the kids up and ready and out the door on time for school.  Then I get to come home and do whatever I want.  You see, this week is my vacation, before I start really concentrating on home stuff.  Which would be awesome.

Unless you come down with a major cold.

Yesterday’s allergies turned out to not be allergies, and instead, an actual full blown cold.  Can you feel the joy?

But – yesterday’s plumbing debacle has been fixed thanks to my father’s plumbing snake.

I’m running into a lot of disbelief about my coming home.  It’s funny – it changes.  For example, my mother feels the need to blab my business to all of her friends.  “Well, you know, she pays $1300 a month in childcare, and that’s just rediculous.”  I told her that they don’t need to know that, and the answer of “She’s home with her children” is enough.  But since SHE’S sketchy about this whole thing, I don’t expect that will happen anytime soon, as she needs to convince herself.  So I thought I’d list some reasons.

Non-secular: I believe the Bible teaches about the parents teaching the kids, and training them in the way that they should go.  In all things in life, be in education, spiritual, and the basics of living in today’s world.  I cannot do that while not being home 11 hours a day.  I believe the Bible teaches that the wife is to create a “home” and life – the hub of it all working.  I believe that the Bible teaches that while we cleave to our husbands, we care for our extended families and parents.  I cleaved to my husband, but my parents are now reaching the age in which I have to be more “there” in their care.

Secular: Mom’s right.  I paid $1300 a month in order to maintain a job and be away from home 11 hours a day.  Until this point in Poe’s career, I made more money, and I had the health insurance.  I was the main breadwinner, and not being that was not an option.  That’s not the case anymore.  In addition, quite frankly, during the course of this job, my migraines got worse, and I developed a small hernia, GERD, and two small ulcers.  I do not believe that this is a coincidence.  I juggled my job, my marriage, my kids, my parents (all the typical relational stuff) in addition to juggling kids’ illnesses, my own illnesses, my husband’s illnesses, my mother nearly dying several times in the last couple of years, my brother’s suicide, my birth mother’s death, school conferences, IEP conferences, pediatrician appointments, dental appointments, cardiologist appointments, school plays, and being the editor of the school newspaper.

Bottom line?  I’m simplifying.  I’m creating the life that I want.  I’m 33 years old and wasn’t living the life that I wanted to live.  I am not an imbecile.  I know money is a reality.  But reality is also the fact that my kids and husband and parents need me.  That’s my reality.

I’m hoping this is it.  I’m hoping that now that it’s done, people will stop trying to make me justify my actions.  Actions speak louder than words, and my actions are saying a couple things.  My actions say I’m DONE.  My actions say that I am not a woman who can handle it “all.”  My actions say that I love my family more than my supposed “career.”  Yes, I was told that I loved my career more than my family at one point.  DUDE!  I was an assistant!  What career?  I did it!  I left!  and now I get to live my life, instead of subsisting weekend to weekend.

Do I think all women should be home with their families?  Actually, yes.  Yes I do.  I think that’s the ideal.  I really think the woman, the wife, the mother is the hub of all that happens in the home.  Do I think all women can?  Hell no!  I certainly couldn’t for the last ten years.  Are we suddenly independently wealthy?  Hell no!  We’re going to need to cut some things out of our life to actually make it.  That’s why I’ve started my business.  I want to be able to put money away for other things, such as retirement, vacations, and savings for the kids.

Let’s bottom line it.  I am not an idiot for leaving my job.  I wish people would stop trying to make me feel as though I am.  And also?  I need to forgive myself for not attaining it “all” as I was taught to have.  I was taught to go to school, and have a career, and have a career and a family.  To be a success first, and then have a family.  All you need is an education and a good career.  The family thing sort of happens on the sidelines – a side dish to your life of having it all.  It’s an illusion.  “All” gave me ulcers.

Do I worry?  You BET I worry.  Poe could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and then where will I be?  But when I brought that up?  All he said was, “Michele, if I get hit by a bus tomorrow, you know what you’ll do?  You’ll do what you have to do.  So let’s live now.”  I love that man.