Sparks and Butterflies

As I mentioned in my disclaimer, I smoke. Which means I go outside, yes?  Homeless people have been asking me for money.  And when I say that, I mean every.single.time.  3-4 a time.  I don’t have it to give to them – so I would simply smile, say I’m sorry I don’t have any, and watch them move on.  Some more pissed at me than others.  One even trapped me in a corner, but I didn’t give up my space, so he eventually moved on.

I decided early on I was a magnet.  My BlogHer08 badge screamed tourist, I suppose (not to mention I was hanging out around a hotel.)

Schmutzie came out with me.  I don’t think she believed me, as we were on the other side of the hotel this time, and she hadn’t had any problems with it at all.  Until 3-4 came up to us while she was with me.

Told you – I’m magnet.

It’s Friday morning… and it’s currently 6:23, so I’m not entirely coherent.

I’m not going to give a blow by blow of the sessions themselves, but everything else, I want to record my thoughts on.

No pictures, ’cause, well, I haven’t brought out my camera yet.

Last night I went to the newbie mixer. I had a drink, and met two lovely ladies in line, Kelly and Jennifer. Unfortunately it was really loud, and we didn’t exchange cards, so I never caught their blogs to link them. While I saw Mocha Mama… I didn’t have the balls to talk to her. I was supposed to meetup with GeekMommy, and I kind of know what she looks like, but when scanning I couldn’t find her. I quickly grew overwhelmed with the loudness and the people I didn’t know, so I left and headed up to the People’s Party.

When I got there, I got myself some swag, and got myself another drink. I was on a mission to meet Megan. I’m a reader of her blog, but as you know, she’s also the head editor of Blog Nosh (of which I’m an editor.) I really wanted to meet her. And I did! And we even got to chat a couple of times. She was a cohost of the party, so we never got to talk long, as she needed to put out various fires, but she was lovely. Again – no balls to ask for a picture. I also got to meet Angella. One, I’m a reader, and two, I purchased a couple of photos from her for my bedroom. So I wanted to meet her too. She was absolutely lovely. It was wonderful meeting her, truly. She was kind, and so easy to talk to. I saw Oh The Joys, but again – no balls.

By the way… The hotel? So far I have nothing but good things to say about it. Talk about nice. Seriously. I’m feeling very fancy schmancy in my room.

Friday is conference day one. After breakfast and all that, during the first session, I’m babysitting for Marilyn so she can speak. After that, who knows. I haven’t competely decided on which sessions I’m going to. So, hopefully 1) I don’t make an ass out of myself, and 2) I actually get the balls to talk to someone.

My mom is in the ICU.  Be back soon.  Can’t really concentrate right now.

My best friend just called me this morning.  Next year, she wants me to become a partner with her in a franchise.  It’s an intriguing possibility.  I definitely could save the money up.  That’s not the issue.  Do I want to be part of this franchise…  Which has NOTHING to do with blogging or the online world – except in a marketing capacity.  Do I want to be in business with my friend?  Do I want to attempt this?  Can I do it and quit my job?  is this something I just want to say JUMP?  I don’t know.

I’m praying. Poe’s praying.

There’s a lot of uncertainty in the air at my house.  The winds of change on the horizon I guess.  I just wonder how it’ll all work together, you know?  But on the other hand, I know the absolute end of the story, so.  So.

Perhaps this is my chance to go home sooner?

But to do that and have it fail, when I had “security” in my job?

But then again – my kids need me?

I don’t have to make a decision now.  I think the best thing to do is continue on my attempts to live off Poe’s paycheck, and start saving for this, should we decide it’s a go, and then continue my snowflaking other stuff.

Indecision makes my stomach churn.

I was recently asked how I got my handle, “Sparksfley.”

Sometimes you see me as Michele – and other times Sparks or Sparksfley.

It’s really quite simple.  I had canceled my aol account, and then decided to create a new one.  I got sparksfley from Sparks – a name my husband was calling me due to my working as an electrical assistant and Butterfly which my husband also called me.  I decided to combine the two into Sparksfly – but someone already had that one.  So, I added the “e” and became sparksfley.  For the rest of my online handles and email and such, it was just easier to keep the same one so I didn’t have to remember them all.

I’m now known as Sparksfley across the web.

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Remember how I put out a call for questions?

That’s still open by the way.  Please feel free to ask anything you like.

The first question came from Darla.

You were given up at birth? I was given up at birth and then have lots of abandonment “experiences” following that as well. Hmmm…..Share more….

Does this still affect how you live? Cuz for me, until about 3 mos ago, it had a TIGHT hold on me (abandonment issues that is).

You can read more in the Adoption/Abandonment category, or the That Woman category.  I went through a lot of emotional turmoil, and those categories have some more of the nitty gritty.

In answering your question though, here are the basics.

I wasn’t given up at birth.  In fact, I wasn’t officially given up at all.  My birthmother, Jeannette, had me when she was 20.  She’d had a daughter previously at the age of 16, which was the result of some kind of counselor affair at a juvenile facility, and she gave that child up for adoption at birth.  Four years later, she had me at 20.

Follow the jump for more ’cause it’s kind of long and meandering and hard to go there. (more…)

Testing feed.  Please go back to your business.

Things might look a bit funky for the next little bit… Moving to Word Press, server changes, and tweaking of the designs to follow Word Press. Don’t panic if it goes away completely. It’s only for a few days, if that.