Sparks and Butterflies

Fabulous.

My son had to write a story for school that he made up. It will eventually be published in hardback with his illustrations. I won’t tell you the story verbatim, but here’s the basic gist: A boy is out on a boat, and he’s having troubles, so his three friends come to help him. As they’re bringing the boat back, limping along, they come upon a shark (IT WAS A SHARK! – My son has already mastered the “caps is yelling rule.”) So, the three friends harpoon it to save their lives. The come back to shore to have shark sushi. The end.

The rough draft came back.

No harpoons. No killing. Or come up with a different story all together.

We aren’t talking about a killing rampage. Or of a murderous person. Or of random animal killing for fun. Boys on an adventure in a ship kill a threat on the sea, thus saving themselves.

Apparently, this is the result of the “no tolerance” ban on weapons in the school. I’m surprised he wasn’t suspended, what with that threatening weapon on the page and all.

I have no idea of what to do. It’s not like I want to make my son the poster boy for free speech, or the poster boy in creativity without censorship. Apparently, if that’s not what I want, I have to instead teach my child the art of bending over gracefully and say, “Thank you. May I have another.”

I kind of hate parenting right now. And the school. And the school district. This is a fight we can’t win, so we’re not even going to try. Frankly, I have quite enough to deal with thanks… what with the psychiatrist appointment for my oldest later this week, and my mother trying to fry her dentures in flour last night (she wanted fried chicken. seriously.). Homeschool never looked better, frankly. But I kind of don’t have time for THAT too.

OK. So, the military will be training in Los Angeles. That link is from local news, main stream. It has a tone of, “Don’t worry, nothing to see here.” I live in a suburb town about 10 minutes (ok, an hour with traffic, Good Lord the traffic) from Los Angeles.

The “tin foil hat” sites that I frequent are BLOWING.UP.  I’m not going to share those links with you. I’m just going to share my thoughts.

The military has entire installations with all kinds of settings for training – as well it should. My husband, a former Marine, has trained in whole urban towns, sewers and all, for potential urban atmospheres. Those urban towns are on base. So, I immediately come to the thought of why is Los Angeles necessary?

With the various conflicts around the world, people angry with the United States, and the mere names of Iran and Israel creating anxiety, there’s certainly the threat of war. With the defense act, Agenda 21, FEMA camps, and US citizens having the potential of being held without trial, there’s the threat of domestic issues. With public unrest and anxiety in regards to our economy, the state of our government, and how that has effected all of us at home (we literally have 1/3 the income we did 3 years ago), there is a serious sense of unease to the point of civil unrest (the Occupy movement, the Tea Party, and more).

So, when I hear that the military is training in Los Angeles, I think of two scenarios, international (incoming attacks), and domestic (martial law). In both cases, I think “What are they not telling us?”

What are they not telling us? What do they know? What are they preparing for?

I find conspiracy theories fascinating, true. I frequent the Tin Foil Hat sites and marvel. I don’t necessarily subscribe. I’m a level headed creature. I would love nothing more than to work hard, play hard, be able to pay my bills, get rid of debt, save for emergencies, college, and retirement. Someday, I’d love to own a home in Alaska – the beauty is breathtaking. In truth, right now, I struggle to feed my family AND pay all the bills. But I can dream. I think they’re simple dreams. But I feel like a cloud is about to come over us – personally, and as a country. I’m seeing little things here and there, but the picture coming together as a whole is beginning to scare me. I don’t like it, and feel powerless against it. And due to our financial situation, I feel ill-equipped to handle whatever may come our way. That last bit makes me feel anxious.

Disclosure: I am an intelligent human being. I do not suffer from any mental disorders coloring my thoughts according to my therapist.

So… Today, I have to somehow balance work and pre-cooking/baking for tomorrow.

Work isn’t going well. I have gotten a lot ready on Poe’s old computer… But there are certain things. Such as I need a .pdf editor. I have one, that works, on disk. Except that the CD drive on the old computer won’t, you know, OPEN. I tried downloading a free one, except that it didn’t do what it said it would. I would convert something to .pdf, save it on a certain filename, on my desktop – and then it wouldn’t be there, and a search on the system shows that filename not existing. I cannot believe I’m going to have to PURCHASE a downloadable, when I have one, and this computer is merely temporary.

And then I have to do the setups all over again when my new computer, Daisy comes.

I’m so frustrated.

Mercury is supposedly going into retrograde. I’m blaming it.

Betsy has officially bit the dust, I fear. She won’t turn on this morning. We broke out Poe’s old – Very old – computer so I can attempt to work. Sort of. Kind of.

Daisy isn’t due to arrive until December 6th. Sigh.

This keyboard is all wrong. The screen is too far away. It’s all dirty. And I keep inadvertently turning on Caps Lock.

I’m very pissy about this. It will be solved. I just hate having to jury rig something together in the meantime. I thrive on routine. This has blown my routine out of the water, as I’m not even able to sit at my own desk.

OK, OK I’ll stop complaining now.

So… Why did I sort of disappear? A migraine, yes. It was a sort of confluence of events that led that way.

First, the headache itself had been coming on for days. I’m very sensitive to weather pressure which I think is something to do with my ears and sinuses. Since we’d had rain “coming” for days, I was feeling it, and I knew I wouldn’t get relief from that until it actually did, indeed rain. Which it did all day yesterday.

Then Friday. Oy. Around 3pm, I was working, and I went to reach from my soda. I was paying attention to what I was reading on my screen, and my hand swept my soda across my laptop (pink, named Betsy). A full 12 ounce glass, and I spilled it ALL. I’ve owned a computer, as well as used company computers, for 20 years. Aside from feeling old, I have never ever ever spilled on my computer. Frantic paper toweling. Frantic drying and opening and tipping to actually POUR out the soda. After all that, my poor Betsy wouldn’t even turn on.

I work from home. All my work is on my computer. I wasn’t worried about my files – I use Carbonite, and my stuff is constantly backed up. But the physical computer itself… I need it to work. So I was faced with two problems. 1) Could I pay for a computer. 2) How soon could I get it, as I had to work Monday for sure. I actually still had work to do Friday, but could be put off. Since I’m taking off Thursday and Friday, I HAD to work Monday – Wednesday. I had enough money in my save for taxes account. Hate to use it, but frankly the computer is more important for the moment. Phew. OK, so can I access it right away? Call ING, since I leave that money in that account, since it’s a no-touch account. Yes, I can, here’s how. OK. Phew. So now… How do I get a computer fast.

My normal M.O. is to take time to figure out what it is I want, best price for it, search for additional coupons, and order online. That’s all well and good, but I can’t get it to me by Monday if I do that. Which means a Brick and Mortar store. ::shudder::

I don’t like people, crowds, or salespeople. So I made Poe come with me. We went to the nearest store Friday night. I made a decision. They didn’t have any in stock, but they could ship it for free! That didn’t help me solve the whole issue of being able to work on Monday. Oh, but look at this one – $200 more – not in stock… After the 4th not in stock, the salesman trying to jury-rig something together, Poe looked at me and said, “Let’s go home. We’ll try somewhere else tomorrow.”

I was terribly disappointed. By this time it was dark, and lights can trigger my headaches as well. We stopped for dinner, and then went home. On a whim, Poe tried to turn Betsy on. And she did. Sigh…

But I can’t trust her. I have no idea the extent of damage that might have been done and I need reliability. So, I went ahead and shopped online for what I want, and am waiting for shipment. So, I just need Betsy to last until then. Her sister will be named Daisy.

Friday night I went to bed, a little upset, and with the nagging headache I’d had for a week. At 4am, I awoke to a full-fledged migraine. I downed medicine and staggered back to bed. When Poe got home from work, I let him know what was going on so he could handle things. I ended up sleeping until 5pm. Sleeping isn’t quite the right word. Twilight sleep, I guess, getting up every three hours or so for more medicine. The only thing that helps is trying to stay unconscious, a cave-like atmosphere, and physical counter-pressure. In this case, as usual, it was my right temple. So I slept on my  right side with the pillow wrapped around my head. I got up around 5pm with the headache gone, and in the hangover phase, where I’m not quite there, and dealing with a fog. But since I slept ALL.DAY.LONG… That night I couldn’t get to sleep again until 4am. Which made the next day, Sunday, a difficult day to get anything done.

So… I’m grateful. Why? I found to money to replace my machine. I can work today, Monday. The migraine, and after effects, happened when I didn’t have to work. I’m grateful.

I’ve been purposely NOT writing about politics, or the state of our country, or the state of the world on purpose. I have enough anxiety in my life without poking at the trolls with a sharp stick. But two things, today, stand out to me and I would like to share.

These things are examples of a great many things that are taking place around the country, and around the world, and are the backing of my trying to “prep.” Just examples of things I’ve been noticing for a few years, slowly.

First:

The EU bans claim that water can prevent dehydration. The absolute ridiculousness of this article is an example of government regulation and “committee making” gone totally wrong. This paragraph brings it home:

…I had to read this four or five times before I believed it. It is a perfect example of what Brussels does best. Spend three years, with 20 separate pieces of correspondence before summoning 21 professors to Parma where they decide with great solemnity that drinking water cannot be sold as a way to combat dehydration.

And then I read this news story: ‘Going Galt’: Hedge Broker Shuts Down Firm With Chilling Letter About the Market. They quote her letter, but you can read it in its entirety at her website: Ann Barnhardt. I haven’t seen a better indictment of the economy in terms I, as a non-financial person, can understand. And really, it’s incredibly brave of her to state her case, and take action based on her professional observations.

Take note. This is a warning. I’m not saying sell everything and move into a yurt. I’m saying, stop burying your head in the sand, wake up, look around, and make educated decisions based on your family’s needs. Whether you believe in what the Occupy Movement is doing, or not… Whether you believe the economy is in trouble on a global scale, or not… Think about what these changes mean for you. Say you believe in the Occupy Movement and what it stands for. Even if you think it’s great – don’t you think there will be widespread transition time that will effect you in real-life ways? If you think they are doing it wrong – the same transition time applies. Please think about what’s going on around you and react accordingly.

Even if everything turns around and comes up roses and sunshine, unicorns and rainbows… at least you took a hard look and took action that may prepare you in an emergency. The very act of thinking through “what would we do” makes you more prepared than the average American (which is a sad and scary thought).

I read a lot of forums. For the most part, I’m a lurker, not a participant. Every once in a while I need to stop, though. Not because of the content, but because of the lack of punctuation. I’m not saying you need a degree in English – but common punctuation is good. It gets your point across with clarity, and gives the mind the natural places to pause. For example, here’s the former paragraph in the form I run into:

i read a lot of forums for the most part im a lurker not a participant every once in a while i need to stop though not because of the content but because of the lack of punctuation im not saying you need a degree in english but common punctuation is good it gets your point across with clarity and gives the mind the natural places to pause for example heres the former paragraph in the form i run into:

Throw in spelling errors and your eyes bleed. Here’s the bottom line… If you’re not willing to make it legible, it degrades the credibility of whatever information you’re trying to get across in the forum. You sound illiterate and ignorant. Am I just being snobbish? I don’t care about the odd type, or the odd misspelling. I know there are words I struggle with. Like “exercise.” I NEVER spell that word correctly the first time. But that odd run-on kind of thing with no punctuation? It makes me feel like I’ve got a stream of consciousness thing going on – but it’s not MY stream. Annoying.

I apologize for any weirdness or spelling errors. I’m currently on muscle relaxants and they make me fuzzy.

Before we got married, I informed Poe about my bodily idiosyncrasies. In short? I am a freak. I’ve written about it before, so I won’t go into the backstory too much.

Warning – If you are male, or hate discussions of bodily functions – stop reading. I’ll continue below the fold – but the fold doesn’t show on my feed, so stop reading now if you’re squeamish.

(more…)

I hate the fact that I have to be a momma bear. But hey, what can I say? If I don’t advocate for my kids – who will?

Joseph is on something through the state called AB3632. What that basically means is that the state recognizes that my kid needs more help than an IEP can give him, and so the state pays for his therapy (a certain amount of hours). A lot goes into the decisions as to what’s in the programs. What I mean by that is, it’s not rubber-stamped.

Every other year a social worker and Psychologist come in and have meetings with Joseph and us to determine if he still qualifies. They will also meet with his teachers, psychiatrist, and therapists, all separately. So far, they’ve never denied him the program. Then, every six months or so, his teachers, his therapists, the principal, and the lead of the special school he’s in meet with us and we hack through his IEP. Everything from his education, his testing, how he’s doing, goals – progress and new ones, down to specifically how many hours a month he needs in therapy. I used to just HATE those meetings, but that’s changed since we switched to the new school. Instead of feeling like I have to fight for crumbs, me against them, I actually feel like a member of the team. And then of course, conferences and meetings as needed. If stuff comes up for him that puts him in crises, that usually falls under the therapists. We’ve had several crises moments, and his therapists were there for us and him on the phone on a weekend.

These are things he needs. Our goal is for him to be able to be an able bodied, independent adult, who can hold a job and live on his own.

Well, now, it turns out that his therapy center might not have AB3632 funding any more after the first of the year. You can imagine the conversations I’ve been having. Serious.Momma.Bear. Especially when the therapy center decided to just stop anyway – you know, since we probably won’t have any funding later. Seeya.

Excuse me?

Yeah. No. You don’t get to slough us off without creating a plan with us, and assisting us with finding the people who DO have the funding. My son is on prescription meds someone at YOUR center prescribes. Your center provides HALF of his therapy hours that everyone agrees he needs. You don’t get to make us go away ’cause it’s more convenient while you wait to see what the state does with the program. Because you still DO have funding.

Ahem. He still has his therapy. He still has his Psych. (meds). It just took 3 separate intense conversations with the supervisor at the center during which I made her realize I don’t do what others tell me to, and I don’t go away because it’s convenient for them. I also don’t play well with others.

I understand the funding issues. We have to wait on the state for that. You just don’t throw the literal baby (MY BABY) out with the bathwater. He’s not a “case,” “Case Number,” or “statistic.” He’s Joseph. He has a mother named Michele. And she will damn well make sure you know it.

Before I share the link with you, let me explain where I’m coming from.  I have a child with mental issues.  I told the school going in that they were there, and they refused to provide services, an evaluation, or early intervention.  As a result, due to their “zero tolerance” policy, my child was almost expelled from school for expressing his anger.  At the age of 5.  Unable to attend another district school.  What I did in that case was fight tooth and nail for an IEP, which would then provide him protections under the disabilities act.  It forced them to help my son rather than kick him out.  And yet, another child tormented mine for YEARS.  But he never did anything that came under the “zero tolerance” policy.  The result of that?  My son being institutionalized when he couldn’t take any more.  Then one of the “patients” tried to kill my child by choking him to death.  That was a fun middle of the night phone call.

You tell me, which was worse?  What did the most damage?  My son getting pissed off at his teacher at the age of 5 (when they still get naps in school for God’s sake) or my son being driven into a mental institution?  We have had to fight long and hard for my son to have an atmosphere where they are helping my son instead of “managing” my son.

Think about your kids, what they do, what the consequences should be, and what they currently are.  What is it going to do to their psyche in the long run?  I am very far from the touchy-feely earth momma, terrified to allow their precious child’s “creativity” be stifled.  We’re highly disciplined around here.  We maintain serious control.  Because of my kids’ issues, it provides safety and sanity for them.  However – as “mean” as we are, we are able to understand the difference between play and violence, toys and firearms, playacting versus intent, and when they are just being kids.

This isn’t about politics.  This is about my child.  This is about how it effected my son.  The long term issues have been such a struggle stemming back to that one day.  And now?  Will he be able to have his dreams?  Since it wasn’t a criminal matter – even though the police got involved without ever talking to me – because he wasn’t charged with a crime, I can’t have his “record” sealed.  Background checks will now show mental institutionalization.  He has wanted for years to become a Marine like his dad.  Will he ever be able to now?

Here’s the article: Zero Tolerance Policies: Are the Schools Becoming Police States?