Sparks and Butterflies

I was catching up on my feeds, and came upon an entry by Dooce.  In it, she introduces a news story about a feral child.  A feral child due to neglect…  awful, awful, basic neglect.  7 years old and couldn’t speak.  Roach bites.  Only could suck a bottle.  Diapers, just stacked around.  Mattress on the floor.  Covered in insects, mites, lice, and the like.

I read the whole article:  The Girl in the Window.  Then I saw the videos/pictures/interviews.

It has effected me.  Deeply.  I hurt for this little girl so very much.  I had to go to the restroom at work because I was crying.  A child not knowing that a hug is comfort?  A 7 year old, without a medical issue (other than neglect) who sucks from a bottle and doesn’t know how to chew food?  One who doesn’t cry or flinch in pain for IV’s?

How much pain has this child had?

There’s nothing I can do.  The child has adoptive parents now who are doing everything possible for her.  But I hurt.  So, I had to write about it.

By the way, the mother criminal gave up her parental rights as a plea to avoid the 20 year sentence.  And she thinks she’s been wronged.

I know that I complain that I’m a bad mother.  And yes – I definitely get lazy about certain things.  I look at stories such as this, and think, thank God my bar is set so high.

I realize that the situation is done.  I realize there’s nothing I can do.  I know all that can be done IS being done.  But I can’t help, as a mother, to picture my own child in that situation.  And that’s when I cried.

I’m about to make my first foray into stating my opinion on what is a controversial topic. First, I would close comments if I could, but I don’t know how. That being the case, please be nice to me. I’m stating an opinion. Just as you all can on your own blogs.

I tend to stay away from controversy, religion, and politics. It comes from my fears and anxiety about confrontation. I’ve shared personal religious stuff – but in regards to my life, not in regards to is/isn’t, should/shouldn’t. And in politics, I don’t go there, because I feel ignorant.

Let me share with you the facts, and then I’ll let you know what I think.

Thomas Beattie and his wife, Nancy, couldn’t have children. Well. Nancy couldn’t. Thomas is a post-surgical male who chose to keep his reproductive organs. Nancy had had a hysterectomy, so rather than hire a surrogate, Thomas became pregnant via artificial insemination. He’s now about 6 months along. It’s a People Magazine exclusive this week, and he’ll be on the Oprah show tomorrow.  I have some thoughts on this.

Thomas tells Oprah in a show clip, “I’m a person and I have the right to have my own biological child.”

No, Thomas, you don’t.  None of us do.  We may choose to have children.  We may feel children to be a blessing.  We may accidentally have children.  We may not be able to have children.  But none of us DESERVE children.  Bad people have children ALL the time.

The “pregnant man” is speaking out about his decision to have a child – saying, “I’m a person and I have the right to have my own biological child.”

Again, you have the “right” to a biological child.  Tell that to all the infertile people desperate for a child.  Don’t they have that “right”?  Well why don’t they?  So far I’ve not heard him speak about family, or about love, or about parenting a child.   Again, no one has the “right” or else bad people wouldn’t have children either.

It’s not about you.

I’m not okay with any of this.  This isn’t about gay or straight, transgender, hetero, religion, or any of it.  My question is when is enough enough?  Seriously.  He CHOSE to become a male.  But now that him and his wife need something from a woman that she can’t provide, he is CHOOSING to use his own female biology.  But when is enough enough?

Look.  Here’s my problem.  The GLBT community wants to be honored and accepted in their communities.  They want to both let be to live their own lives, as well as have the civil liberties such as marriage, and the abolishment of discrimination and such.  I get that concept I really do.  My problem in THIS instance is… 1)  It seems to be about his rights and he deserves, instead of loving a child and having a family.  And 2)  Accept me!  Oops no wait…  Changed my mind!  Let me just do this one thing…  Ok, back to male, ACCEPT ME!

I see pregnancy as a process and it doesn’t define who I am. Ironically, being pregnant doesn’t make me feel any more female or feminine.

I suppose he’s just using his own body as a vessel.  My gut reaction still says “wrong.”

Am I just the most bigoted person in the world, and just exposed it to the whole world, or is there something wrong with this.

Again.  PERSONAL OPINION.  While I’d like to hear your opinion I don’t want to hear about how you hate me, or the person who commented before you.

Imagine, if you will, that you’re the parent of a college student.  You’ve just gotten word that your child is in lockdown at their school in a classroom with a gun-wielding maniac.

Imagine, if you will, that you’re the college student.

Imagine, if you will, that you’re the teacher.

Imagine, if you will, that it was all a drill – you just didn’t get the memo.

It just happened.

These people thought they were going to die.  Apparently, it’s all ok since it didn’t really happen.  BS.  These people now have to get over genuinely thinking they were going to die in that moment.

At the very least two things should have occurred that didn’t:  There should have been a sit down with the teacher, not an email (he didn’t get the email.)  And there should have been a broadcast on their emergency PA system 5-10 minutes prior.  Oh, and the text alerts they were using?  Voluntary.  Only about half the students signed up.

Someone was hit with the stupid stick that day.

Another blogger linked to an article. This particular blogger happens to be greatly more conservative both politically as well as spiritually. So, I went to read the article, but with a grain of salt that perhaps I wouldn’t be quite a perturbed as she was. I was wrong. The article actually disturbed me a great deal – and I’m not certain why, so I’m going to talk it out here.

First off, click here to read the article.

In synopses, the article is about two couples – both have been sterilized by choice… One of the women even had an abortion. If I left it at that, you’d wonder what my problem was in this day and age. The reason for the sterilizations (AND the abortion) was to protect the environment.

Before I share my impressions, I do want to state that if a couple doesn’t want to have kids? I don’t care. If you don’t feel the calling to be a parent? Then I don’t want you to! It’s hard enough when you want the little buggers. Their future children are better off rather than be born to people who resent them.

That being said, the impressions and queries I’m left with… Oh. Where to begin.

They basically say that the child’s carbon footprint is the reason they don’t want children. They don’t want to contribute to the overpopulation and use of resources on the planet. OK. They claim this is unselfish. OK. I guess to a point it is. Except that one of the couples feels that since they don’t have the guilt of their child’s carbon footprint and resource usages, they can take one long flight a year – sort of a more fun for them, since they’re not using as much resources as others. Oh, and that couple also says that they have a much nicer lifestyle than they would have if they had kids. OK, that’s valid since the little ones are mighty expensive – but my point? Unselfish? I don’t think so.

Couple of questions… If they’re so hell bent on reducing the carbon footprint they leave, why don’t they commit suicide? Cancel out their usage completely? If someone mentions that if they live they can educate the world on protecting the environment, my response would be… Then the RESPONSIBLE thing to do is raise up a generation with that awareness. Grow their own little army of green educators. Otherwise – if that’s REALLY the reason? Erase your own usage completely.

Their thinking also begs the question: Do they wish for human extinction? Because usually people feel that their way is the right way. So, basically if we completely erased our footprint, we’d erase ourselves. If they feel this way, OK. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion. But if that’s the case, why’d they bother to get married and forge relationships? We shouldn’t even be here anyway.

And again, that leads me to another question: Do they feel that plants/vegetation and animals/insects/other life forms are more deserving of an existence than humans are? Which then leads me right back to the suicide point.

I think the first couple especially are kidding themselves. If you don’t want kids, fine, but don’t come up with some grandiose reason why, and then out of one other side of your mouth mention the better lifestyle, and out of the other espouse your unselfishness to the earth.

I’d love to ask both of them what they think the point of our existence is. I’d also love to ask them, when it comes right down to it, are humans or animals more important? If you were faced with a bear, and it was going to be him or you, which would you choose? Lay down and die, so that you wouldn’t harm the animal?

“Having children is selfish. It’s all about maintaining your genetic line at the expense of the planet,” says Toni, 35… “We used to say that if ever we did want children, we’d adopt, as there are so many children in need of a loving family. “At least then, we’d be doing something positive for the world, rather than something negative.”… “I’ve never doubted that I made the right decision. Ed and I married in September 2002, and have a much nicer lifestyle as a result of not having children. We love walking and hiking, and we often go away for weekends. Every year, we also take a nice holiday – we’ve just come back from South Africa. We feel we can have one long-haul flight a year, as we are vegan and childless, thereby greatly reducing our carbon footprint and combating over-population.

You know they deserve that vacation after all that hard work of not producing. So they’re “worthy” of taking that fuel belching vehicle because they didn’t contribute to the monstrosity that is humans on the face of this earth. Like I said before – it’s not the fact that she doesn’t want them – it’s the reasoning behind it. You can give mouth service to this great thing you’re doing, but I don’t see the answer to the tougher questions.

The other couple in the article:

Ironically, the couple who have decided to deny themselves children for the sake of the planet, actively enjoy the company of young children. Sarah says: “We both have nieces who we love dearly and I consider myself a caring, nurturing person. My sister recently had a little girl, and that has taken the pressure off me because my parents wanted to be grandparents.”

Again – doesn’t seem so unselfish to me. After all, thank God her sister’s kid was born, and now the pressure’s off her for those pesky grandchildren. I mean yeah, another mouth for the earth to feed, but at least if won’t be their fault.

“I’d never dream of preaching to others about having a family. It’s a very personal choice. What I do like to do is make people aware of the facts. When I see a mother with a large family, I don’t resent her, but I do hope she’s thought through the implications.” Mark adds: “Sarah and I live as green a life a possible. We don’t have a car, cycle everywhere instead, and we never fly. We recycle, use low-energy light bulbs and eat only organic, locally produced food. In short, we do everything we can to reduce our carbon footprint. But all this would be undone if we had a child. That’s why I had a vasectomy. It would be morally wrong for me to add to climate change and the destruction of Earth.”

The implications being? It just seems so very very cold.

When they are on their deathbed, what are they going to regret? Anything? And when they ARE on their deathbed, will they be alone? And I know I keep harping on this, but why aren’t they dead, having erased their own future footprint? Could it be because they have this natural instinct to survive? You know, that pesky instinct that’s kind of attached to the whole survival of the species thing?

Which brings me to my last point. Survival of the fittest. It’s not them.

**Please note: this is not a rant on nursing vs. not nursing. So those mothers who have not breastfed (for whatever reason) this is not about your choice. I did both nursing and formula, for different reasons both kids. So, please don’t write about that, because I am NOT revisiting that age-old debate. This isn’t about your choice. It’s about the image of the choice, and what’s being done to it.

I’m important. As a mother, I am worthy, and I count. The natural God-given abilities of my body in feeding my child are just that – natural. Not immoral. Not unethical. Not unhygienic. Not perverse. Not pornographic.

Seriously.

How can we, as a society desensitized to sexual innuendo, images, celebrity, tits, ass, etc. shoved in our faces every day by the media, then go and ban nursing videos as explicit – while still allowing the hot mom’s ass jiggling stripper dance.

Oh, excuse me, the stripper dance you need to certify your age – the nursing video is just banned.

I really really don’t understand it. I mean I’ve talked about how I feel before. I believe modesty and good taste are necessary. I also believe I should be able to feed my kid wherever I see fit – and a public restroom is NOT fit.

Banning nursing videos and images is not okay with me. Lumping those topics in with pornography is not okay with me. Making me feel dirty because I nursed my sons is not okay with me. Banning nursing videos and images while showing Britney’s cooch is not okay with me.

I am a mother. I matter. Don’t make what I do into something dirty when it’s not – perverse when it is not.

Here’s what you can do (copied from the LMJ):

1. Email congressional reps (link to http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/ – enter your zip, and it returns all three addresses/home pages for your location) and Parliament members (link to http://www.canada.gc.ca/directories/direct_e.html – enter your postal code, and it returns addresses/home pages of Parliament members) and ask them to tell YouTube/Google that removal of the video is socially and legally unacceptable.

2. Create a short video (not breastfeeding) that is tagged and titled “Message to YouTube” (feel free to include any other tags, including League of Maternal Justice, Breastfeeding, Health, etc). and tell them what you think about this. Tell them that breastfeeding is NOT obscene

*Updated: We’re going to reload our video (with new music) in the next few days. If you want, hold your Messages to YouTube and you can make them as replies to our Montage! (Thanks Jenn)

YouTube is calling for these videos and we’re more than happy to oblige. Make sure to send us your YouTube video link!

3. Write a post and include these same directions on your own blogs and send us the permalinks (or leave them in the comments).

4. Return to the LMJ call to action post (where permalinks will be linked up) and post/vote for others’ posts on bookmarking sites.

5. Submit our press release to online media outlets and social bookmarking sites (Reddit, Stumbleupon, etc.), get your message boards involved, send to your local reporters, or any national news contacts.

To get more information, got to the League of Maternal Justice.

OK. I really haven’t talked too much about the strike here, because I’d rather not get my ass fired, thank you very much.

In truth, the strike actually doesn’t effect me – or won’t I should say until maybe mid 2008. We’ll talk again then. Which, considering the last one lasted something like 22 weeks is a possibility.

But here’s the thing. I have to be at work. I’ve not crossed a picket yet – I get there early so I don’t have to. I stay on the lot at lunch. And then they’re gone by the time I leave. OK fine.

I’ve already mentioned the honking… My God The HONKING. My office windows are out to the street, and I can’t tell you how annoying the honking is.

But today? The air horn? So annoying. I’m not at a freaking basketball game.

But the prize for most ingenuity goes officially to the bugler. Yes, that’s right. Some enterprising picketer brought a BUGLE. And then went from line to line, playing his bugle (which so reminded me of summer camp bugling to wake us up.)

Goooooooood Morning good morning good morning!
It’s time to rise and shine!
Gooooooooood Morning good morning good morning!
It’s time to rise and shine!
Get up get up get up get up!
It’s time to rise and shine!

And then a rooster would crow. And then the bugle would blow.

Sorry. Tangent.

Anyway so the bugler is walking by and BUGLES AT MY WINDOW. What’d I ever do to him? I have nothing to do with their fight. Really. I swear. The there his is bugling at my office from the street. I have to say, I had no idea what to do with myself.

Second woman says Southwest made her cover up

DALLAS, Texas (AP) — A second young woman has come forward to claim that Southwest Airlines employees made her cover up on a recent flight, leading jet-setters to ask: Will my outfit fly?

…Setara Qassim said a flight attendant confronted her during the trip from Tucson, Arizona, to Burbank, California, and asked whether she had a sweater to go over her green halter-style dress.

Qassim, 21, told KNBC-TV in Los Angeles she was forced to wrap a blanket around herself for the rest of the flight. She complained that if Southwest wants passengers to dress a certain way, it should publish a dress code.

This is just so ridiculous to me. Here’s the thing… I think every place of business should have a minimum standard for safety and health. Things like having to wear shoes, shirt, and basic cleanliness. I think that should be given for the health and safety of the population as a whole.

While I certainly think that some people lack taste, show too much skin, dress inappropriately for their body type etc., I do NOT think that any business has the right to ask them to change it. The only exception I will make to that statement is religious organizations with decency codes in place – as is their right as a religious establishment.

If I’m personally offended by someone’s attire – frankly, that’s my problem. Caveat – hate speech on a t-shirt. Indecent speech? Get over it. Skimpily clad? Get over it. But it is very much NOT the place of a business to tell anyone to cover up or get out unless it’s a health issue. Put shoes on? Sure. Wear a shirt? Absolutely. All genitals covered? Absolutely.

This brings up another issue. Breastfeeding in public. Not at issue in this article, but the health/covering up issue brings it to mind. My personal stance… Breastfeeding should be allowed everywhere. I think that there IS a minor health issue involved as far as that goes, as does entail bodily fluids. However, when the choice is feed your child in public, or feed your child in a public restroom, the health of the child comes first. But I do think that nursing moms should be cognizant of the fact that it is a bodily fluid. Most moms I’ve observed (myself included) are aware. They have their burp cloths and such, and that is satisfactory to me. But in extreme cases, it’s like, don’t get your breast milk on me woman! I don’t know where you’ve been!

Anyway – long tangent.

I think the airline is wrong. Very wrong. In addition, they’re leaving the very subjective decisions in the hands of individual employees.

If you’re offended by what I’m wearing or not wearing – look away. And don’t wear it yourself. Unless I’m wearing something that proclaims my intent to hurt or maim some person or group, get over it.

What do you think?
***

I didn’t realize that new tributes were part of the 2996 project this year. Because of that, below, I’ve reposted what I had here as part of the 2996 project (the 2006 version).

I cannot believe it’s been 6 years. Can anyone? The lingering effects on the country are large. The events of that day are part of our American lexicon. This is an event that will go down into the annals of our history books. Do not forget them. The men and women who died. The heroics of those who tried to help. The families of all who died. The effect on you. The effect on the country and our daily life. Never forget. Pass it on to your children. Remember what humans can do to each other. Then remember the spirit of those same humans coming together to try to help.

Don’t forget September 11, 2001.

************
Of course the effects of that day five years ago touched me. But not nearly as much as so many other people. Living in California, I didn’t feel the geographic effects. I didn’t know anyone who lost their life, personally. In those respects I thank God. But it’s hard to do that when so many lives were changed forever.

Because I’m empathetic, I tend to stay away from the news and such. ESPECIALLY before bed. But, every year now, I force myself to watch at least one program devoted to the attacks. Because I need to remember.

I’m honoring Tatiana Ryjova of South Salem, N.Y. as part of the 2,996 tributes. She was 36.

Some comments left on memorial sites…

10/06/2002 11:00:53 AM
…….I saw your photo on the BBC news site,and realised the great sadness of such a cruel loss.A beautiful woman,mother of two sons,(9 and 15),who sought with husband Vasily to make a new life in America in the 1990′s.A courageous,hard working lady who embodied the spirit of courage and adventure as well as love that inspired the creation of America.The world is a poorer,sadder place without you.Rest in God’s hands…….JA
John Adams

01/06/2004 2:53:45 PM
I was a good friend of Tatiana in mid 80s. When she moved in USA I’ve lost her. I was shocked to know (I knew it after visiting Moscow in November 2003) she is one of victims 11th Sep… I still have a few photos of her from 80s. I will be glad to share them with her husband Vasily. Vasily! Please don’t hesitate to send me an answer then I can forward pics to you. Sasha
Sasha Chanturiyas in file

An article about Tatiana…

Oct. 3, 2001
Tatiana Ryjova was thinking about changing jobs, but working in the meantime as a meeting coordinator for Regus Business Centres at the World Trade Center was still worth the long commute into the city.

Though Ryjova had been with the company for the past year, her friend Deborah Monroe said Ryjova wanted to work closer to home to spend more time with her husband, Vasily, and their two young sons.

“She told me she didn’t want to go into the city,” Monroe said. It was a two-hour commute from the Ryjovas’ home in Somers, N.Y., and she had been asking about jobs in Connecticut, where Monroe and Ryjova had worked together in the past.

Ryjova came to the United States in the early 1990s as a tour guide for a Russian vacation company. She held a master’s degree in education from a Russian university and had a penchant for languages. She persuaded her husband–who was still living in Russia at the time–to move to the states and settle permanently in New York.

More or less.

Together, they bought houses in the New York suburbs, fixed them up and sold them, a process they repeated a number of times in recent years, Monroe said.

At the same time, Tatiana Ryjova had worked in the training and development office of a Medicaid group, at a computer training and professional development organization and, most recently, at Regus.

Along the way, she collected friends like stamps, Monroe said. Other Russian emigrants were instant friends, of course, but so were fellow churchgoers, coworkers and clients from every place she had worked. Ryjova went beyond compassion, said Monroe. “She’d take your side. She’d get all mad and angry at people for you.”

When laid off from a Connecticut company a year ago, Ryjova was quickly hired by Regus as the company opened its offices on the 93rd floor of the trade center’s south tower.

Though the families of others in the building had begun holding memorial services, Ryjova officially remained among the missing.

“Everyone, I guess, always has hope,” said her husband.

–James Janega (The Chicago Tribune)

Some guest book entries for Tatiana…

February 11, 2005
I doubt anyone will see this. but when I was little, about 8 years ago when I was 6 my mother and Tatiana were very good friends. I remember my sister Maria, my brother Ilya and I would go sledding with her kids. I remember going on camping trips and playing in their big back yard. I barely remember Tatiana, just a few little things. I remember she gave me a little music box that I would play over and over again. I really liked Tatiana, she was so sweet and giving. Even though I was so little, I remember how sweet and kind she was. I think about her almost everyday, and she has taught me to appreciate everything I have in life. Best wishes to the Ryjova family…
-the Barannikov’s, Polina B. (CT ), blackxrose219@yahoo.com

September 12, 2003
I worked at VisiocomUSA with Titiana and often would smoke and joke around with her. She was always so nice and could always bring a smile to my face. She a had such a sass and flare about her that was so refreshing. I will always remember her and what a beautiful person she was. God bless her and the Ryjova family.
Roger Griswold (Norwalk, CT )

September 10, 2002
Dear Vassil,& Boys-I Know this is kind of late,but I want you to know that I will always remember You,Tanya and little Alex living with us in the barn-I always respected you and your family.I am so heartbroken that Tanya has perished in the horrible terrorist attack.What a beatiful woman.I am so glad to have known such a wonderful family.My Mom and Bob are praying for you Vassil.God bless and take care-Love kelly
Kelly (Miller)Kaelin (Brewster, NY )

January 26, 2002
My friend…God knows how I miss you. Every day I turn a corner and am reminded of you, think I see you and know I have to wait till I am in Glory to give you a big hug. Tati (as she was nicknamed) had been my friend for years. She would bring Brie into work for breakfast. At lunch she would put on her jogging shorts, put her hair up and poke at me to come with her. We spent hours talking. We cried together, we laughed together. It has been months now, and I still can’t get over missing her so much. The week before this all happened she was the last person I talked to before I went on a trip. I told her we would do coffee when I got back the week after…catch up as friends do. The coffee will have to wait until I see her in our Father’s arms…She knew the power of God and I am sure that He was with her at that moment…loving her…holding her and leading her…Until that great day, Tati…I love you and I miss you so dearly…Deborah
Deborah Monroe (Stormville, NY )

November 17, 2001
Dear Vasily, Daniel and Alex,
I’m not sure I can find the right words to express how sorry I am to hear about your loss. Meeting Tatiana & all of you in Cape Hatteras this past summer was something I cherished very much. I immediately thought of her when I heard about the tradegy and had been hoping for the best ever since. Although I only knew her for a short time, I will always remember her as a loving, generous, fun and smiling friend, wife and mother. I want to send you all my very deepest condolences. I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this. Feel free to email if I can help in any way.
Lamia Naccache (Quebec, QC )

Another tribute.

Click here to see a memorial quilt in Tatiana’s honor.

Click here to see other tributes.

Good God. Really. I mean – I understand their concepts, as a Christian who knows some on the ultra conservative side of things, I get it. I even share some of their convictions about family.

But dude – I lose my mind with two.

And let me tell you – both my pregnancies and recoveries were really pretty darn rough.

In fact – this is from memory, not from an actual study – I believe doctors discourage more than 5 pregnancies, from a simple physical body wear and tear standpoint.

But really, I can’t imagine putting 17 children through a college education, I just can’t.

The whole thing is mind boggling to me.

Horrible. Just horrible.

So far, as of this posting, 3 are confirmed dead. 50-100 cars in the river. School bus, fires, there’s even a freight train involved.

Pray. The sun is going down.