Sparks and Butterflies

I may piss people off with this one, but so be it. There’s a video that has gone viral. It has folks up in arms both for and against. I’m FOR. So here’s the video. And then I break down my thoughts below. *Warning: There is cussing, so no little kids – but hey… Have your teenagers watch it – we’re actually going to have our kids watch it, swearing and all. And the swearing actually comes from the teenager’s post, not the parent.

My thoughts, which I posted as a comment on the video in a highly condensed fashion:

I think posting this video on her wall is a stroke of genius. The folks whining about how embarrassing that is and shame on him? Um. Number one, she opened that door. Number two, he’s posting on her forum – meaning this is the way she communicates with the world. He’s doing it on her turf, in other words. That’s a greater impact, her friends may think twice about disrespecting their own parents, and it’s a step up in consequence from the last time they tried to “ground” her for doing something similar. Does she have the right to bemoan her life, in all her teenage angsty glory? Absolutely. In her own head, in her private journal, or in a rant to her best friend. So – when she took this to her Facebook friends (Everyone repeat after me: The Internet Is Forever.) she crossed the line, and he’s bringing it right back on her head.

Some of the commenters don’t seem to get that she did something similar and had her privileges taken away (computer, phone, etc). They already went down that road, and she apparently didn’t learn anything from it. In addition, the child just didn’t use her brain – she has an IT guy for a dad.

Respect for your parents is extremely important, and really sets the basis for your interactions within the family dynamic. If I birth, clothe, shelter, and feed you, give you love, don’t abuse you, and discipline you so you’re ready for your entrance into adulthood, I demand respect. Period. It’s my job to train you. It’s your job to learn. Pissing me off is basically pissing in your own pond. In addition to making me mad, it just makes your life, and those around you, more difficult. And respect for other humans in general? Dude. I’m so glad he called her on her attitude towards Linda (a lady that cleans their home in a services/barter type situation).

Paying for chores doesn’t happen around here. I do believe we’re going to start giving allowances… Probably based on a point system. The kids need to learn how to manage money BEFORE they leave the nest, and they cannot do that without actually having money to manage. But it’s not going to be based on chores they’re supposed to do. This is a family. This is our home. First, they need to learn a level of responsibility for their own things. Second, this is a FAMILY. It’s a family home. It needs to be run, we all need to live here, and Mom (aka Me) is NOT the slave, she’s the General. Everyone should have some responsibility in having the home run. Not only do kids need to actually learn the stuff of cleaning and cooking and running a home for when they’re out on their own, they need practice doing it. I left home without knowing how to manage money, without knowing how to clean, without knowing how to do laundry, and without knowing how to cook. Seriously. I had to learn everything on my own – and it was hard, because when I made mistakes, I didn’t know how to correct them. I don’t want that for my kids. I did have chores at home. Keeping my room picked up, and emptying the dishwasher and such. But mom didn’t actually TEACH any of the actual skills I would need later. Further – everyone lives here. A family is a unit, and everyone should have a hand in how it functions. We’re a unit, therefore the responsibilities need to be taken as a unit, otherwise they won’t have any respect for the work that needs to be done, and they won’t learn how to have pride in the results of labor.

As for teenagers having jobs… That’s, I think, dependent on the child. For example, I’ve worked since I was 12. I started out babysitting, and as soon as I was 16 (legal to work) I was working. I worked, all through Jr. High and High School. I got A’s and B’s on my report card, spent 4 years in the Band and Color Guard, and worked every.single.day. for 4 hours (half time) after school. I had to pay for my own car insurance, gas, clothes, extras like music, and food (including lunch at school). After high school, I worked full time, and went to school 3/4 time. I paid for my own books. Now, in my own kid’s life, I don’t know how we’ll handle it. Quite frankly, they have trouble in school. I think the added pressure of a job would seriously effect their education, so I don’t know that we’ll go that route. I don’t disagree with it in theory, but we’ll have to see how they mature. With their particular issues, it may, honestly, be asking for too much of them. But I’ll tell you what. With as much trouble as Poe and I have had in life – If I didn’t have the work ethic that was instilled in me, I’m not sure I would have been able to mentally survive.

Computers and kids… Having a computer is a privilege, not a right. Having a phone is a privilege, not a right. Right now, my kids do NOT have a computer. If they need it to do school work, they borrow ours. We have promised them that if they ever bring home all A’s on their report card, we’ll have the discussion of having their own. Until then, it’s up to us. We have a computer I’ll be setting up for them. Right next to me. I take very seriously the concept of The Internet Is Forever. I understand that we’re in a connected generation. But I think people need to learn how to think and survive without technology first, and then use the technology as a tool to make life easier (or more entertaining) later on. Life skills first, make it easier later. My children do not have phones. Later on, when they’re older, and spending more time away from us, we’ll consider getting them. But wanting a phone to be connected to friends (as one of my sons is currently begging me) is not a good reason.

The generation coming forward, and we’re just starting to see effects of, is a gimme, precious snowflake, participation trophy generation. Let’s get one thing straight. Once you’re out in the real world, you have to work for everything. You have to work for your education. You have to work for your living. You have to work to keep your personal environment the way you want it. Hopefully, you’re able to do things you love – but the work is still there. It never goes away, life is hard. It’s up to YOU to make it rewarding as well. I think we do our children a disservice when we don’t teach them this.

Quite a few commenters said he wasn’t being respectful to her and her property. Yeah, um. Who paid for it? He embarrassed her, how dare he? (Oh, that poor precious snowflake). They said he should be brought up on charges with CPS. I found a comment from someone who claims to work for CPS. They said that 1) He didn’t harm her. 2) He didn’t threaten to harm her. 3) They wouldn’t even come out on a call like this.

Frankly, this is my style of parenting. I’ve taken toys away. Not for a time – but for good. Doors come off hinges. Locks get put on things. My kids have issues, they definitely have. But they are respectful of us, to us, to their grandparents, and to other adults. They are well behaved. They try in school. They have “fun stuff.” They laugh. They’re hugged. They’re loved on. And we expect respect, and to live up to their responsibilities, or face the consequences. We fashion the consequences to make to MOST impact possible, and follow through. The grandparents, especially, think we’re particularly harsh. And we do have to toe a weird line of “is this disrespect/disobedience or part of his mental disorder” that most parents don’t have to deal with. But my kids absolutely know what to expect from us, always. I’m not coddling babies here, I’m trying to train developing minds to be successful adults. We must adjust to abilities, and adjust to maturing/changing/developing brains and hormones. But that doesn’t change our style, or the outcome we’re looking for.

They say… that the school system is good. Homeschooling is bad. Protect our teachers! They help our kids!

In one school in the Los Angeles school district, one teacher is being investigated after doing seriously nasty things (after a film developer was like, “ew” and alerted the cops – Related: how dumb is he to try and get his bondage photos developed?) and another is being investigated in the same school for abuse allegations. My kids, while we live in Los Angeles County, are in their own school districts, so technically, this isn’t “our problem.” I’m still extremely frustrated though – these are children, and my kids attend public school.

But check this article out. Here are some quotes from the article that make me livid.

Many parents said they want to know how the alleged acts happened during school hours.

IN THE CLASSROOM, during the school day. I’d want to know too.

Parents of several alleged victims are already taking legal action. Some victims said they told a school counselor about the alleged abuse, but they weren’t taken seriously and were reportedly told, “It’s not very good to make stories up.”

My kid has been suspended in the past because another kids said he hit him – and no one saw. There were no witnesses. And yet, he was suspended for a week, and the counselors were all over it. (Turns out the other kid was a bully that ultimately drove my child crazy – not not an exaggeration. We removed him to another school after a stay in a mental institution.) “Some victims” constitutes more than one. Why didn’t they do their job? MORE THAN ONE. What the fuck?

Attorneys for the victims said the school and the district failed to protect the students.

“Rather than take the steps to protect these kids, rather than making sure the door is open, make sure that there’s a monitor, check to see that he’s doing things properly, interview some of the students…what they did is they sanitized his file,” said attorney Raymond P. Boucher. “They took those complaints out and trashed them, so that the next time a complaint happened or took place, nobody knew anything about it.”

Shame on them. This takes “Administrative bureaucracy,” of which I have a lot of experience, to a whole new level.

The school board is expected to call for the firing of Springer on Tuesday. But under California law, neither the board nor the superintendent can fire a teacher. The case has to go before an administrative law judge and a three-teacher panel. During the process, Springer would be placed on paid administrative leave. Berndt was fired in March 2011 shortly after his investigation began.

Sickening.

Even if the two men are convicted of the crimes, they would still receive their pensions under state law.

I thought under California law you weren’t allowed to profit from your crimes. Considering one guy is an alleged abuser of 18 years at the same school, I think this constitutes profiting, considering he got paid to go in teach AND abuse. That’s sickening.

Yeah. Those folks who want teachers’ salaries dependent upon performance? That want folks to be able to be fired for cause? They are called crazy. This? Is disgusting. They’re not crazy.

**An aside having nothing to do with the topic… I went and got help. My son’s therapist (conflict of interest much?) is seeing me through another service she works with for adults with a spiritual bent. For? $40 a week. Considering I priced therapists at $125-$175 – I’ll take it. So, I’m getting the help I need, and I feel more in control already. Like… I recognized it and am moving forward before things get really bad. This is good. I’m not saying it’s not an ongoing struggle, but I feel as if it can’t go into an uncontrollable spiral because between my husband and therapist, there are people to see when my inner demons are too much to bear. It’s not just me alone. That helps.

OK. It’s my journal, right? Major historic happenings. Osama Bin Laden. Dead. Why am I not elated? Why am I not chanting USA! USA! USA! Because death was involved.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am relieved. One less truly evil man in the world. One less who killed so many. One less who holds so much hate for others. Justice of major proportions for those personally effected by the attacks he perpetuated, and for the country he defamed and scared witless.

But my lack of elation is twofold. I think it’s wrong to celebrate, truly celebrate another human being’s death. I feel it was justified, but we don’t have to revel with joy in the necessity. It feels wrong to me on a very spiritual level. Justice does not equal joy. The other reason? The battle is not over. Where he was one, there are many more. Please don’t let your sense of closure make you think it’s over. No. It’s not. Please don’t let it make you complacent.

Am I wrong? I’m I a horrible American? I hope not. I’m almost ashamed to say, I’m glad he’s dead. Another human being. I’m glad he’s dead. I watch the videos of people leaping to their death, and I’m glad he’s dead. Everything in me that loves Life itself, cringes from that fact. But I am not ecstatic.

Before I share the link with you, let me explain where I’m coming from.  I have a child with mental issues.  I told the school going in that they were there, and they refused to provide services, an evaluation, or early intervention.  As a result, due to their “zero tolerance” policy, my child was almost expelled from school for expressing his anger.  At the age of 5.  Unable to attend another district school.  What I did in that case was fight tooth and nail for an IEP, which would then provide him protections under the disabilities act.  It forced them to help my son rather than kick him out.  And yet, another child tormented mine for YEARS.  But he never did anything that came under the “zero tolerance” policy.  The result of that?  My son being institutionalized when he couldn’t take any more.  Then one of the “patients” tried to kill my child by choking him to death.  That was a fun middle of the night phone call.

You tell me, which was worse?  What did the most damage?  My son getting pissed off at his teacher at the age of 5 (when they still get naps in school for God’s sake) or my son being driven into a mental institution?  We have had to fight long and hard for my son to have an atmosphere where they are helping my son instead of “managing” my son.

Think about your kids, what they do, what the consequences should be, and what they currently are.  What is it going to do to their psyche in the long run?  I am very far from the touchy-feely earth momma, terrified to allow their precious child’s “creativity” be stifled.  We’re highly disciplined around here.  We maintain serious control.  Because of my kids’ issues, it provides safety and sanity for them.  However – as “mean” as we are, we are able to understand the difference between play and violence, toys and firearms, playacting versus intent, and when they are just being kids.

This isn’t about politics.  This is about my child.  This is about how it effected my son.  The long term issues have been such a struggle stemming back to that one day.  And now?  Will he be able to have his dreams?  Since it wasn’t a criminal matter – even though the police got involved without ever talking to me – because he wasn’t charged with a crime, I can’t have his “record” sealed.  Background checks will now show mental institutionalization.  He has wanted for years to become a Marine like his dad.  Will he ever be able to now?

Here’s the article: Zero Tolerance Policies: Are the Schools Becoming Police States?

*note – I totally know an apostrophe goes in “it’s” – apparently my template has decided it’s a no-no in a blog title.

Remember my post on the new TSA Regulations? Sexual assault and privacy and all that?  Well, the ramifications of the policy are starting to come out.

The TSA ejected a passenger who refused a “groin check.” My favorite line?

“You touch my junk and I’m going to have you arrested,” Tyner can be heard telling the TSA agent as his cell phone camera captured the ordeal.

And someone from our very own blogging world has been effected.  I mean really.  Who doesn’t want their labia and breasts touched?  A line you should think about?

“It is acceptable and encouraged that a TSA government official can do something to an American citizen that US military personnel cannot do to a member of the Taliban.”

I again repeat myself – I don’t care.  I, as a rape survivor, don’t think I can fly now.  What if they choose me for an “enhanced” pat down?  What if they want me to go through that full body scan for all the world to see?  What if I have to fly due to a funeral and completely lose my shit?

When my brother committed suicide, my mom tasked me with bringing all her pictures of him in frames for the memorial.  Due to the frames, I couldn’t bring it on the plane with me.  They lost them.  They lost my mother’s only photos of my brother.  We were able to get them back in two days – literally we picked them up from the airport on the way to the funeral.  What happened in the airport when I found out they lost them?  Completely lost my shit – the big ugly snot cry, “You-u-u don’t understan-nd-nd…  I have to tell this to my mo-o-o-ther.”  Now, imagine the same scenario, which I already know is a possibility – since it happened – along with having been reminded physically of my rape.

Just take me to the psych ward, ’cause I’ll probably need to be medicated.

It’s common basic stranger danger mentality.  Don’t touch me, and I won’t touch you.  I can’t seem to articulate well enough how bad and wrong these new regulations are.

I have alluded to this in the past on the blog, but I’ve never come out and said it before.  Since it pertains to my reaction to the story I’ll share with you, I need to state it clearly.  I am a rape survivor.  I was raped twice, and (just) physically beat up once.  I survived.  While I’ve dealt with most of the crushing issues that come from surviving, I do still deal with certain ongoing ramifications.  Some examples… My husband is the only person on this earth who can come up to me from behind and touch me, and me not react negatively.  He’s the ONLY person I can show physical affection for and receive physical affection from easily.  In reality what does that mean?  I have to work exceptionally hard at showing physical affection to my children.  I have to fight very hard to never wince or cringe when they come up from behind me in the course of our daily life.  I have to fight very hard to not withdraw from them when they physically reach out to me.  I have to mentally prepare myself before friends see me, as they will expect (rightfully so) hugs.  Before we visit my best friend, I have to give myself a talking to that her husband will not hurt me, he loves me, he likes me, and he will touch and hug me.  His love for me is due to his accepting me in his life as part of his wife’s life.  He has no interest in me physically, and he loves his wife.  These are things I have to tell myself so I don’t elbow him through his nasal cartilage, while simultaneously trying to gouge his eyes out with my fingers.  Because he put his hand on my shoulder while handing me a  drink.  My children deserve my affection.  My friends deserve my affection.  Physical affection is healthy.  I know this and so I work very hard at it every single day.  And I think it’s working, because my children and friends come to me for affection, nurturing, and love.  I’m successful at fighting and scratching against myself to give them that.  I’m OK with doctors, I think due to the rubber gloves.  But many doctors will use their bare hands for breast exams (I think due to sensitivity issues) and I cry every time.  But I’m trying.  It’s a process.  A long one.  My assaults happened before I knew my husband, and I’ve been married for 12 years.

Warning to my conservative Christian friends, the link I’m about to give is to a Pagan news service.  Just want to warn you.  I found this story.  Go read it.

Now that you’ve read it, think about what it means.

Think about sending your children through the scanners.  Think about the enhanced pat down if you refuse.  If this becomes the norm, I’m truly unsure I’ll be able to fly.  After talking to my husband, who is incredibly protective of me, he said, “I think I would have to drop anyone who thought putting his hands on your tits is OK, other than your doctor.”  He understands what this would mean to me.  You could also say, “well, go through the scanner!”  One, there are radiation issues.  Kind of like a doctor.  Once every blue moon is fine, but beyond that, you need the lead drape.  What about the frequent travel fliers?  At one time I was flying twice a week for three months.  And I know many who travel even more.  Two, it’s an invasion of your privacy.  In front of everyone in the security line.  I thought the body scan would be like an Xray.  Very impersonal.  I saw the exemplar.  I could see his penis very clearly (and his love handles).

The whole thing scares me for oh, so many reasons.

At dinner tonight, we’re having another discussion with the kids about our privates, and who’s allowed to touch them, and for what reasons.

Below the fold, you’ll find a video (if it hasn’t yet been pulled.)  First things first:  It is really bloody, really gory, disgusting, and should absolutely not be watched if children are in the room.  I’m really not kidding about that – it’s very disturbing.

This was a “funny” commercial in the UK.  People were so disturbed by it that it’s been pulled off the air – but alas – it lives on in the internet.  It’s about consequences for not reducing your carbon emissions – specifically the 10:10 project it’s advertising.  It was supposed to be humor.  I don’t see the humor.

And I’ll probably be freaked out forever by the words, “No pressure.”  This right here is why we say there’s an agenda.  This right here is an example of some of our deep down fears.  This right here is in your face.  If you have any inkling of advertising, marketing, and publicity, you know this was seen by many people before it was put on the air.  And they all thought it was OKAY. (more…)

*Disclaimer:  This is an experiment in thought and “what ifs.”  I have no interest in creating a “movement.”  I am not currently part of a movement.  I am a registered voter with opinions.

As with most Americans, Poe and I have been very political minded the last 2 years.  Election, Democrat, Republican, Independent, Libertarian, health care, etc. are all words that have been bantered about between us of late.  Late one night in bed, we were falling asleep.  We had just watched some political TV programming we are fans of.  Sleepy, but minds churning, we started mapping out the following scenario.

What if we split the country in half?  Two Americas.  United States of Western America, and United States of Eastern America.  The states themselves would remain intact, so it would be a jagged line up the middle.  The western half would be the right side of the political spectrum, the eastern half would be the left side of the political spectrum.  You have 30 days to decide which side of the spectrum your personal beliefs fall into.  You are to choose freely, but you MUST choose.  After your decision is made, you have 90 days to get you there.  There would be relocation centers to help you find jobs and move, should your choice take you to the other side of the country.  Once the move is in place, federal responsibilities would be split in half.  The national debt?  Halved.  The US Treasury?  Halved.  Current military?  Halved.  So on and so forth.  Federal taxes would obviously go towards support of your new half of the country.

While communication and travel would be freely shared (with passports of course) nothing else would.  You could not work over the national line, you must work and have residence in your own half.  No bartering, trade, services, utilities, natural resources, etc. could go over the national line.  The governments would choose how to run their own government.  They would decide their own foreign policy, foreign debt, immigration laws, participation in organizations like NATO and the United Nations, defense strategy, military, etc.  There would be a treaty in place that no fighting happened over the line.

The experiment stays in place for 20 years.  Short enough to turn back, long enough to get some data.

What happens?  Who keeps a republic?  Who keeps the Constitution?  Who enters wars?  Who solves international peace situations?  Who has a better unemployment rate?  Who has a higher median income?  Who has cleaner streets, less crime, safer lives?  Who is free?  How has artistic endeavors evolved?  Who has less debt?  Who has better health?  Who has a better education?  Who has better transportation?  Who has evolved further technologically?  Do the two countries come back together as a whole, or do they work better as separate entities?

If you start thinking about specific personal issues, specific personal lives, and take the current system out of the equation it starts getting interesting.  If you could start a brand new country, what would it look like?  How would it work?  How would it evolve?

St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner, and it’s not the luck of the Irish that will keep the roads safe… it’s planning now for a safe and sober way home.

Are you headed out with friends after work this Wednesday to celebrate the holiday?  No?  Well when you and your family are on the road headed to choir practice, a t-ball game, or coming home from school, you may be sharing the road with those returning from a fun St. Patrick’s Day event.  It’s time to spread the word about the dangers of buzzed driving and to remind people that Buzzed Driving IS Drunk Driving, and the best way to stay safe is to plan ahead.

Let’s remind everyone about the importance of remembering to:

• Designate a sober driver before you leave for your event.
• Be ready to take alternate transportation such as a bus or taxi. Have the phone number of a taxi service stored in your phone before you leave for the party.

Even if you will not be celebrating this St. Patrick’s Day, keep in mind that in 2008, 1,179 people in other vehicles were killed in crashes involving alcohol-impaired drivers.  And for those who don’t plan on over-indulging – a buzzed driving crash looks the same as a drunk driving crash.

Global Influence is working with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) and the Ad Council as they continue their efforts with the “Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving” PSA campaign.  Buzzed drivers drink and drive, but do not consider themselves a hazard on the roadway because they have had “only a few” drinks. The campaign hopes to educate people that consuming even a few drinks can impair driving and that “Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving.”

We need your help in keeping the roads safe for everyone this St. Patrick’s Day by spreading the word that buzzed driving IS drunk driving.

To learn more about the impact buzzed driving can have on a life, please watch this important video about the financial and personal repercussions of getting a DUI.

Remember: Buzzed Driving IS Drunk Driving. Plan ahead and ask your loved ones to do the same.

For more information, visit Buzzed Driving Is Drunk Driving on Facebook and Twitter (@Buzzeddriving).

As any parent knows, mornings can be rough.  Kids need to be fed, dressed, hygiene attended to, the various items of the day – lunches, homework, jackets etc. all settled upon.  Depending on the number of children, this can look like a zoo.  Now, add the fact that it’s morning, and people are moving slower.  Add the idea of one bathroom for four people.  Poe (being unemployed) and I (being a home business owner) have the advantage over other working parents in that we don’t have to get ready right that second too.  We get up way before them… But that’s more for our sanity, and so we’re not in our grumpy morning attitudes when we get them up.  I’m able to get a start on my workday and know what fires have cropped up during the night.  Not to mention ingesting coffee prior to the stampede.

So – Poe and I are both in our pajamas for the most part when dropping kids off.  Then we can come home and get ready ourselves, without playing referee with our kids.  And you know what?  This works for us.

Enter this idiotic thing…  School Bans Parents from Wearing PJ’s at Drop Off.  Whatever.  Seriously.  You know what?  If I’m in MY car, I get to wear whatever I want.  If I’m on foot, I STILL get to wear whatever I want.  What’s important is that my children arrive to school fed, clean, rested, and prepared.  When I was working outside the home, and I had to be ready to go at the same time as the kids, it only made our morning preparations MORE chaotic.  I like the way I’ve got things going now.  I think something else that’s interesting to note is the complete disdain the principal seems to have for parents in general – regardless of their attire.

Seriously?  Stay out of my business.  Concentrate more on educating my child.  That’s your job, right?