Category Archives: family

Help Me Understand Obamacare

Posted on March 27, 2013 | 4 Comments

I need your help in understanding what Obamacare would mean for my family. Please note: I am NOT looking for political opinions. They abound, and I have my own. I’m actually looking for what this literally, practically, logistically means for my family.

Here’s our current situation. My husband’s income (not including my own which fluctuates dramatically) is about $475/week. My husband’s employer provides insurance. At about $350/week (yes WEEK not MONTH). Without telling you our actual expenses, but you can be assured that they are the same things that others pay… Rent, car insurance, utilities, food, gas, student loans, etc. We are frugal. Our truck is paid for (and 20 years old). We no longer use our credit cards, but we’re still paying one off. I coupon, use online deals, etc. Most of my clothes have holes in them, because I pay for clothes for my kids (with coupons) since they really are weeds in human disguise. In other words… We’re careful, methodical, and thoughtful with our money.

Income Approximate (as mine varies) per month: $3,500
Expenses:-$3,300
Remaining: $200 – currently put towards “extras” or extra debt, and when the debt is gone it’ll go into savings.

If we bought my husband’s employer’s insurance:
Income Approximate (as mine varies) per month: $3,500
Expenses:-$3,300
Insurance: -$1,400
Remaining: -$1,200

The math doesn’t work – needless to say, we can’t purchase my husband’s health insurance.

My kids, however, have serious medical and mental health issues. Aside from the annual/semi-annual dentist and pediatrician visit, one of my kids has an annual echocardiogram (about $1,500 a year), an electrocardiogram (about $500 a year), one of my kids has a monthly psychiatrist appointment (about $1,800 a year), and his meds ($900/month). So our medical costs NOT including regular well-child visits, OR sick kid visits, is $1,217/mo, $14,600/year. With the well child visits, vaccinations, and when they get sick, it’s obviously more. As a result, we use state subsidized medical insurance for the kids only. I do pay a premium for them, but it’s prorated based on our income. My husband and I haven’t seen a doctor, dentist, or ophthalmologist (I wear glasses), in about 4 years. We would go to the emergency room if we have to for something like a broken bone, or stitches, etc – but thank God we haven’t had to yet. It would probably bankrupt us. For everything else? We suffer. I’ve tried free clinics in our area, but it’s a first come/first served kind of thing to get an appointment, and I’ve yet to actually be able to talk to a real person to try and get an appointment. I kind of need to see a gynecologist desperately.

So. My understanding of Obamacare is… You are required to have health insurance. If you don’t, you pay taxes as a penalty. If you don’t have health insurance, you can use the government health insurance (which doesn’t exist yet). So my question is… Since it doesn’t exist, when do we start getting penalized? How much will the government health insurance cost? What will this (and when) look like for my family?

Again – I’m not looking for political opinions here. I’m looking for what this means, as it stands now, for my family. When I’ve looked into it, I’ve gotten totally confused. Does someone have a website that breaks it down into “real life” for you?

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Posted in family, headlines, healthish stuff

My Mom Gets It At The End

Posted on December 11, 2012 | 2 Comments

My mom and I have a complicated relationship.

I learned all my stubbornness, lack of empathy, tell it like it is, and compartmentalization from her.

It can be good. I get my way because I work hard for it. If someone passes away in your life, I won’t cry with you – but your bills will be paid, your house clean, your laundry done, and food in your fridge. If you come to me for advice, I won’t coddle you. But you’ll know the truth, and you’ll get an objective opinion, you’ll know where I stand. I’m not unkind, but people don’t always see me that way. And I do care, but I don’t express it the same way as you.

I’m just like my mom.

But, it’s complicated. She turned a blind eye to some things when I was a kid. I already had abandonment issues due to Jeannette, and so I played the part of the good girl until my early twenties. But I wish she hadn’t turned a blind eye to some of the abuses I endured. Now that I’m an adult with a family, I know she knew. She has always been generous, but only if I’m doing what SHE thinks is the right thing. I never knew if her illnesses were “real” sick, or “fake” sick. She’s been sick all her life, she really has, but had the uncanny ability to get sick, and then come to whatever function I had as the martyr (“I had to be here for my daughter”). It doesn’t take a fight for her to stop speaking to me. Whatever I do wrong can be just in her head. But that doesn’t stop the silent treatment.

On the other hand, when Poe and I wanted to get married so fast, she was my biggest supporter (although, by golly, we did it her way). When I had Joseph, she drove 350 miles so she could take us home from the hospital. We actually went out to eat (I.WAS.STARVING.) and I thought she would actually really deck the waitress who asked me when I was due. When we were about to leave the hospital, and Logan was suddenly diagnosed with his heart condition, I got on the phone, “Mom, his heart…” She literally hung up on me. She was already on the way. She had no fear in scrubbing into the NICU and touching that little boy, even with all the wires. And I will say this. She trusts my parenting more than I trust it, that’s for sure. She’s never stepped over the parenting/grandparenting boundaries – although with her, that HAD to be hard. Trust me.

I had to be the one to tell her that her son, her real, biological son (I’m her biological grand-niece) had committed suicide. He hung himself. She had to be the one to tell me that my biological mother was dying and didn’t want to see me. And then tell me when she died. But she was at Jeannette’s bedside when it happened.

I have to be the one to make her mad when she won’t eat, or won’t go to the bathroom, won’t go to the doctor. Because my dad’s kindness won’t cut it. She’ll only do it if she’s mad at me, to spite me. (It works. God, that woman is stubborn.) I have to be the bad guy, ’cause when she’s pissed, she’ll fight. If she fights, she’s alive.

She has Alzheimers. Most of the time, she can’t follow a conversation, really. She tries, but she can’t. The last time she was at my house for a birthday, she said to my kids, “who’s that loudmouth bitch, and why do you want to hang out with her?” Wow. But then again – she raised this loudmouthed bitch.

Yesterday, my dad needed to have cancer removed from his back. He didn’t want to deal with her, too, and so I was checking up on her throughout the day. I had girded myself for it. She hates it when I help out. She hates the lack of privacy, and she hates that I know so much. So I had prepared myself for the abuse already. But… Yesterday? Yesterday, she was lucid. I got to have REAL conversations with her. She gave me money for Christmas for the kids, so I could shop on her behalf, ’cause she knew she couldn’t. She actually talked to me – knowing who I was, where dad was, and was okay with me being there.

She asked how Joseph’s really doing. She said, “It must be so hard for you. You must worry all the time. I have no idea what it is like. You never suffered like Joseph does.” I don’t know where that came from, and it’ll probably be the last understanding I get from her ever. But I’ll remember it. I’ll remember her coming to Logan’s bedside. I’ll remember the time she walked into a party when I was a teenager and gave the kids there what-for ’cause they ran me off saying I wasn’t invited (I was horribly horribly embarrassed, but as an adult I recognize that she was standing up for me). I’ll remember that she took me in. I’ll remember that she loved Joseph anyway. I’ll remember that she watched Logan like a hawk. I’ll remember her fighting for me (even while fighting me). I’ll remember that she loved Poe like a son, and fiercely too.

I’ll remember.

This may be our last Christmas. I’ve already made arrangements on my father’s behalf. I’ll try to continue to be the stubborn, know-it-all, can-do, tell it like it is daughter she raised me to be. I’ve learned lessons from her of what not to be, what not to do. I practice those lessons every day.

But yesterday? She understood what I go through as a mom, and she really got it. I’ll remember.

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Posted in family, kidlets, spirit, that woman

At What Point Do I Get To Lose It?

Posted on November 30, 2012 | 1 Comment

So, I lose at NaBloPoMo. I really did try, and then real-life kicked my ass in ways I’ve been unable or unwilling to talk about to this point.

First, my parents decided to usurp my parental authority. THAT WAS FUN. That’s a new dynamic I’m not used to – they’re usually very good at letting us be parents, and letting them be grandparents, and not blurring that line. It’s a pretty significant line seeing as how they’re together with the kids a lot, and we live right next door, so boundaries in the relationship are important.

So Thanksgiving. Yeah. My parents were no-shows. So, that was fun. Because of my mother’s health issues, AND my mother’s mental health issues, I have no idea if “mom’s sick” is actually, “mom’s sick,” or if it’s “we’re pissed off at you and so we’re going to pull the martyr/passive aggressive card to punish you.” Because my emotional maturity surpassed theirs about a decade ago, I truly, truly do not know which is the case. Yes, my mother is very aggressively ill. But has been so for the last 6 years. And because of her alzheimer’s she has a tendency to revert to past behavior (ie what made my difficult childhood difficult) there’s really no telling. I feel like a total bitch for not taking “mom’s sick” at face-value, but there it is.

Topping that – I made end of life arrangements for her on behalf of my father. Nothing like saying, “Yeah, she could go tonight. Or she could go 5 years from now. What do I do?”

And then Poe didn’t get an important promotion he really wanted, and I lost a client. I didn’t totally lose it, so I’m making progress in terms of how financial security plays a role in my own anxiety. But! The person he relieves is leaving and he’s stepping into the role, so it looks like he might be getting an inadvertent promotion anyway which is a good thing. It hasn’t happened yet, so we don’t know for sure, but if it happens, that’s a good thing for us.

And finally the big one.

I don’t talk too much, anymore, about my kids on my blog. At a certain point, their stories become theirs, and my mentioning them is really an invasion of privacy. I’m not totally sure where the lines are actually drawn, so I’ve just been going with my gut. But the latest “episode” in the saga of Joseph has really effected me, and so I’m sharing. Technically, he had 3 diagnoses. ADHD Inattentive Type, Social Anxiety, and “Mood Disorder.” The mood disorder was really depression – except that he didn’t fall into the time constraints to be diagnosed as such.

Well… Until he expressed suicidal thoughts.

There’s nothing quite like the gut-punch that is a 12 year old wanting to commit suicide because he feels like he’s too much of a burden to you.

He, however, has a tremendous team around him, and quite frankly, good parents who give a shit. And so, with further talking and testing, he’s no longer diagnosed with “Mood Disorder” but with Clinical Depression. We think it was probably always there, but a more mild form. Enough that his current medication helped with it (although he’s on it for other reasons). But puberty has hit with a vengeance, and we think that’s what finally tipped the scales into full blown Clinical Depression. Since his issues are of a brain chemistry variety, and Clinical Depression has to do with brain chemistry as well, adding hormones to the mix just blew the whole thing up.

He is safe – always was between us and the team – thank God. But as his mom… Dear God. A burden? God. We are, actually, very careful with our words around here. Always honest, but always, ALWAYS with the knowledge that words wound, and especially wound people with sensitivity and anxiety issues.

I’m so glad he was born to us, as opposed to anyone else in our families. Our families are rife with mental illness ranging from anxiety to Depression to BiPolar Disorder. Our family is rife with suicides. But also – our family is rife with not speaking about it, not getting help, not medicating where actually necessary, ignoring the symptoms, and labeling as “Bad.” I thank God that Poe and I decided we were not going to continue on our families’ path. It means we’re pretty much ignored and ostracized. Too much truth telling is scary for them.

But if we weren’t who we are? If we didn’t make that decision? Would Joseph be dead?

While I’m am grateful for us and his team catching it fast, and I’m grateful there is help for him, and I’m grateful we don’t stick our heads in the sand…

Some days I just want to scream. I want to scream and bury my head and not get out of bed. I want to get drunk and forget everything. I want to be alone and not have to deal with anyone or anything.

I can’t do that.

I’m responsible.

I care.

I advocate.

And everyone else expects that from me too.

But really… At what point do I get to lose my shit?

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Posted in family, healthish stuff, kidlets, NaBloPoMo, ranting, spirit

Thanksgiving Bust

Posted on November 23, 2012 | Leave a comment

And so. I started cooking Sunday. I was so organized. It was huge. It was going to be lovely. It was a ton of work.

And my family didn’t show up.

It was just the four of us. Which, I love them, and it was good and all but…

Family sucks sometimes. Hard.

I’m still processing this.

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Posted in family, NaBloPoMo, spirit

Happy Thanksgiving

Posted on November 22, 2012 | Leave a comment

I want to wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving.

This year, I’m grateful for surviving the year. I’m grateful my husband sticks by me and supports me no matter what crazy ideas I get. I’m grateful he works hard, and understands our needs, and continues to try and better himself and our situation. I’m grateful that my boys are relatively healthy. I’m grateful that in this last year I’ve been able to clothe and feed them, no matter what. I’m grateful that they are in general kind, generous, polite, and respectful. I’m grateful for their personal strengths and talents. I’m grateful for my abilities as they are helping the household. I’m grateful to have the food on our table.

I’m grateful.

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Posted in family, NaBloPoMo

Fucked-Up-ed-ness

Posted on February 23, 2012 | 1 Comment

Pardon the french, but that is how the day has gone.

My mother has been rather ill on and off for about 7 years or so. There are many things wrong with her.

  • Heart – She had a rare growth that landed her in the medical journals, and led to an uber-rare heart surgery that saved her life. As a result, she has been on heart meds, such as blood thinners for most of her life, and lives in atrial fib (never in sinus rhythm). Because of the surgery and where we were in medical science at the time, she has a metal mesh “cage” holding her sternum together, which is rather interesting to see on x-rays.
  • Stomach – When I was 4 or 5, she had some kind of operation on her stomach which reduced it to about 1/2. While I believe it was a tumor, it had the results of a gastric bypass, albeit more than 30 years ago. She has old ulcers that have healed over (scar tissue). She has GERD. She will sometimes have random, serious, internal bleeding (coming out both ends). After 7 years and more endoscopies than I can count, they have never found a source for the bleeding. The bleeding itself has resulted in numerous blood transfusions, and three incidents of “won’t last the night” calls (two of which came from Mexico which is rather nerve-wracking for the person – namely me – in the U.S.). In the last go-round they did a colonoscopy, and did remove several pre-cancerous polyps. She can’t eat a lot, some stuff she can’t eat at all, and she has a lot of vomiting episodes which can cause serious weight loss. She’s around 80 pounds at the moment.
  • Lungs – She has asthma, and a weird lung disease of tropical origin that I cannot spell and they don’t know how she got it. It makes her prone to coughing, giving her chest pains (see metal cage in her chest), and vomiting (see stomach issues). She is also very susceptible to bronchitis and pneumonia, and ER doctors always assume she’s a smoker, although she never has been (although I question the decade of the 60′s, but she insists). She is on oxygen at night.
  • Diabetes – I never knew this, but you can develop diabetes from high medical trauma. 7 years ago, she almost died on a cruise ship. What saved her was an emergency blood drive on board ship, while they transfused her overnight and they got close enough to shore that a medivac unit could get to her. She spent a week in a Mexican ICU, and another month in the hospital here in the U.S. That’s when she developed diabetes, which is insulin dependent.
  • Mental issues – She DEFINITELY has undiagnosed mental issues which can be exaggerated depending on whatever medications she’s on at the time for the various medical crises that are occurring. My house growing up was… interesting. Picture being in 6th grade or so, and being woken up to your mother vaccuming your room around 3:30am because it simply had to be done then. Or literally kicking your door in because she had laundry to give you and she felt you were too slow to get to the door to open it for her. Like I said. Mental issues.

And we come to today. Last night into this morning, she became too weak to walk. My dad, with my help, can care for her full time – as long as she is mobile. As long as she can make it with wheelchair assistance to the car for the doctors, or other places, or walk to the bathroom with assistance, we can care for her. But if she’s not semi-mobile, we’re simply not equipped. Long story short, we took her to the ER, where they basically said there’s nothing medically wrong with her right now, and do you have an advance directive? Time for hospice or a nursing home, ’cause we’re not going to help you. She has been moving into dementia. So my day was spent alternatively picking her up to adjust her on the bed, or holding her down so she couldn’t get out of bed (we didn’t want them to use restraints). We have moved her into a nursing home where she’s supposed to be getting physical therapy to strengthen her again to be able to walk. I don’t know if she’ll be coming back out again. This isn’t what either my mom and dad want, but we can’t care for her this way, so I told my dad if he wants her home, we have to get help in the home, period. He’s always fought this, but I think he finally sees the writing on the wall.

In addition, she has always insisted that she didn’t want to be kept alive by artificial means. But… Now she won’t talk about it. She said that the hospital has her wishes on file (they can’t find it), and when I tell her that, and that I just need to know what SHE wants, she tells me it’s not “your fucking business.” Yes, that’s my 80 year old mother’s mouth for you. (My children didn’t learn the term “asshole” from me.)

When she’s not in “right mind” she’ll have full conversations with you, they just aren’t quite right. Today, in the ER, she went in and out of lucidity. Frankly, though, she’d also had two doses of morphine. I don’t know why, but instead of rolling with it, my dad corrects her. I rolled with it, and it went a lot better. For example, she understood that she was going to another facility. Out of nowhere she tries to get out of bed. I put her back and asked what she needed. She said she needed to pack (she knew she was going somewhere). I just reassured her that I had already packed for her, and her stuff was waiting for her. She wanted to make sure that Jack (her dog, dead 45 years ago) was being watched. I assured her he was. She was satisfied. My dad, on the other hand, is telling her she’s not going on a trip, she’s in the hospital, and she doesn’t have a dog. That just seemed to confuse her. I don’t know what the “right” way to handle it is, I just know that my way seems to calm her and make sense for whatever she thinks is going on. His seems to agitate her, probably because she knows something’s not quite right, and he’s confirming that.

And, apparently, when she dies, she wants her body donated to science, because of that ultra-rare heart thing. And, my dad needs advance directive stuff. So my afternoon has consisted of research, but I’ve got paperwork in place in case it happens today (it won’t – but I’m a planner), they just need to sign on the dotted line.

It’s been a very strange, fucked up day. And now I’m on “middle of the night call” alert.

Being a grownup sucks.

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Posted in family

Tagged

Mom

Posted on November 26, 2011 | 1 Comment

On Wednesday, my mother was taken off her cruise ship and put into the hospital on Cabo. She’s bleeding internally again, with no known cause. No, this is not unusual. No one can figure out why she starts spontaneously bleeding. They’ve done bone marrow checks, blood disease checks, cancer checks, and at least 20 endocsopies, all to no avail. All they can do is treat the symptoms. So, in the ICU in Mexico, she had two blood transfusions. She’s still bleeding, but they flew her home today, with a travel nurse.

I’ll be going to the hospital here around midnight or so (they have to land, do customs, find their transportation, get to the hospital, get checked in, say goodbye to the nurse, and all the paperwork etc.) in order to pick my dad up, as his car is still at the harbor. Unfortunately, I have to take the kids with me, since Poe has to work. Tomorrow, I’ll probably take him out to the harbor to pick up his truck.

I just heard from dad, before their connecting flight left, that she was bleeding on the plane.

So – Combined with other things this week… It’s been rough.

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Posted in family, NaBloPoMo

Out of Sorts

Posted on November 14, 2011 | Leave a comment

I’m a little out of sorts today. Not sure why. I have a big project due for work, so perhaps it’s that I have a deadline looming? I don’t know.

Luckily, I had a check come through, so I’m able to replace my desk lamp. I went to turn it on this morning, and nothing. I’ve gone through 3 lightbulbs in 2 months. So, I think the lamp has finally bit the dust. It lasted a long time though! I had it next to my bed growing up. For a cheapy lamp, it had a long long life. So I got Poe and I matching desklamps. Also cheapy – but the better ones are $100-$200 a piece! I can’t spend that on small lamps! It goes against my constitution. Anyway, they match the decor I’m attempting in the office (nice but not too masculine or feminine, going with the burgundy/navy blue color scheme) since Poe and I share the office. I definitely need one, because our office is off the bedroom, and it’s kept like a cave so Poe can sleep during the day, and I need to be able to work.

Logan lost a tooth last night (and made $3). That took me by surprise! He had told me one was a little loose, and then he stumbled in to bring it to me after he was supposed to be asleep. At least he didn’t swallow it. The adult tooth is rightthere where you can see it, so it looks like the baby really hung on a long time. I was worried he would have my teeth – his smile was so similar – but the gap in his front teeth is closing, and the one he lost last night is one of mine that are still baby. (Yes, I still have baby teeth at 36 years of age.) So, it looks like he dodged my tooth bullet. Now let’s hope both kids dodged their dad’s tooth issues.

OK. Gotta go get motivated to work.

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Posted in family, Miscelania, NaBloPoMo

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Poe is the Center of the Universe

Posted on November 6, 2011 | Leave a comment

So, today is Sunday. In addition, DST is ending. So, I woke up early, of course. I noticed something interesting. Everyone was up, but Poe wasn’t home yet (because he had to work an extra hour due to DST). No one wanted to do anything. I was hesitating on the coffee, the kids didn’t want me to make their breakfast. The whole house was on “pause” until Poe got home.

In addition, when Poe got home – and was practically attacked by his family – he let me know that tonight he has to work 12 hours. This has a trickle down effect. Due to when he needs to sleep now, I don’t get to go to therapy. I won’t be grocery shopping (I NEVER go with both kids). I’ll be handling the night time stuff (that’s Poe’s thing). We won’t be eating dinner together. It just messes everything all up.

Seriously, I’ve now realized that the universe revolves around Poe. He’s surprisingly OK with this.

Ok, that’s not surprising at all.

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Posted in family, NaBloPoMo

Tagged ,

A Typical Friday

Posted on November 4, 2011 | Leave a comment

It’s been a long time since I did one of these. Thought I ‘d give another go. Most of this would be terrible boring to most – but it’s my journal, which I print out for posterity, and I think these snippets of real life are important to record as so much changes over the course of our lives.

6:00am

Alarm goes off. I normally hit “snooze” a couple times first, but I was in the midst of a nightmare I’d rather not revisit, so I got up. Took note that one of the kids were in the bathroom at some point, and left the light on. Wonder if anyone’s sick? I hope not.

6:00am-6:30am

Restroom. Coffee. Check headlines, emails, calendar/to-do list for the day, weather, bank account. Research and purchase a special Christmas present for Poe. All of $25, but will have significant sentimental value :)

6:30am-6:40am

Wake Joseph up. Feed him his breakfast of choice. Coco Puffs. I can’t decide if I’m a terrible mom or a rockin’ one. Give him his vitamins. Give him the rundown of the day (take your shower, brush your teeth, shampoo your hair, wash – with soap!, get dressed, clean your room). Let me know weather and what to wear. If I don’t do that the kids wear shorts in the rain and sweatshirts in 90 degree weather. Set up the shower, toothbrush, and toothpaste. Our shower’s water handles are particularly difficult to turn. And if I don’t do their toothbrush, I cannot guarantee that toothpaste is in actuality involved. Trust me.

6:40am-7:00am

Finish off the websites I started reading. Start reading my feeds.

7:00am-7:10am

Wake up Logan. Follow the same process as Joseph, except he takes his showers at night. Put lunch money in both backpacks, as Poe forgot to the night before.

7:20am

Unlock the front door (we lock up and hide the keys due to Joseph’s sleepwalking/running issues). Wait for Joseph’s cab. Argue with Logan about jacket he should take. Argue with Joseph about the mask he wants to wear to school. Send Joseph off to school. Welcome Poe home from work.

7:30am

Argue with Logan. No Joseph does not have the remote control hidden in his room. Oh Look! It’s on the couch. You looked SO.HARD.

7:35am-7:50am

Continue to read my feeds/drinking my coffee while waiting for time to take Logan to school. Chat with Poe about his day night.

7:50am-8:00am

Drive Logan to school. Listen to him chat on and on (he’s my “talker”) about our newly formed compost pile, the differences in the clouds in the sky, and more. Come home rather nervously as I fishtailed a couple of times. The ground is wet from the rain we had this morning, and due to a terrible driving in the rain accident years ago, I’m a very nervous wet-weather driver.

8:00am-9:55am

Started this post. Kissed Poe Goodnight Goodday Goodnight. Finished off my feed reading. Set my phone alarm for school pickup (I’m always afraid I’ll lose track of time and forget the poor kid). Started work for client A. Listen to some radio/youtube/music while I work (this happens all day in the background). Started work for client B. Switch to client A. Switch back to client B. Have a quick breather on work, so I check my feeds for updates to kill time, as I have something I have to do for client A in a few minutes. Back to client A.

9:55am-10:25am

Take a break from working… Take a shower and get dressed. Used the scrub I use twice a week due to acne. I have burgeoning wrinkles, and definite white hair coming in. Neither of which bothers me at age 36. I have seriously earned them. The acne, however? Is insulting. Have to use lotion today, too. The weather is causing extreme itchiness and painful dryness. Hate lotion, so I hate that. Note, too, that due to the weather I have a bad hair day. I decide to just go all out on my frumpy/grumpy and wear sweats. Also hang up the bathmat and straighten the towels so they, you know, dry. Because I am the only individual in this house who apparently has the capacity to do so.

10:25am-10:40am

Laundry time. Fold/put away the dries (darks), and put in a new load (whites/lights). Make another cup of coffee. My third and final. Decide on dinner, and defrost as necessary. BBQ chicken breasts, corn on the cob, and beans.

10:40am-10:55am

Put away the clean dishes. Clean up the kitchen a bit. Remind myself for the billionth time that the bulb over the sink is out. Reheat the coffee I forgot about. Walk through the house and do a pick-up. Curse the fact that I can’t vacuum, yet, as planned (Poe’s still sleeping). Take a walk outside and make sure nothing is out of whack or damaged. It rained REALLY hard – and I think there was hail – this morning. Nothing’s damaged, but note to myself for the billionth time the bulb in the backyard is out. Do my devotions – the contents of which are private.

10:55am-11:50am.

Check feeds for updates. I know it seems like I do that a lot, but there’s a couple of situations I’m keeping an eye on. Plus – if I don’t? They start stacking up and causing me to do mass “mark-as-read.” I don’t like to do that. Sassy (one of our cats) knows my routines… She’s decided now’s a good time to get on my lap – I might be here a while. She only loves me when it’s cold outside. Check my email to keep it in control, and see if there’s more work to do… and back to work on client B.

11:50am-12:15pm

Switched the wet laundry to the dryer (oh MY! What a glamorous life I lead). Take my compost from yesterday out to the heap before it rains again (because of course, I would melt), and research what out of tonight’s dinner can be added (I’m still learning about this process).

12:15pm-12:40pm

Feeds and emails again! A bit on client B, and some research on this new gardening project we’re working on as a family.

12:40pm-1:00pm

Did 15 minutes of “real” cleaning. I hate cleaning. So I devised a system. I do a quick vacuum and sweep once a week, a quick feather dust once a week, dishes and one load of laundry daily, and then 15 minutes of “deep” cleaning in a room each day until that room’s done and I move on to the next. Ooooo! – Raining again, and thunder this time.

1:00pm-1:30pm

Purchase another week of freeze dried food (for our emergency/earthquake/zombie apocalypse stash) since I have a smidge of extra money this week from a check I got from a client. Dangnabbit – I forgot to eat again! Too late now, going to have to pick up Logan soon. Do a little bit more emergency planning research. It’s a little overwhelming but I’m starting to absorb in little bits. Cleanup some of my bookmarks while I wait for the time to pick up Logan. I’ve almost closed up shop on work for the day – slow day today, apparently. Poe is awake!

1:30pm-2:10pm

Left to pick up Logan from school – needed to get out the winter coat for the first time due to the weather. He get’s out on Friday’s at 1:55pm and we live 2 minutes from the school by car, so yes, I sit in the carline. It’s just so much easier to be there early and wait, then to wait in the stop/go/stop/go/don’t hit that Kid!/don’t hit the idiot adult! line. Sit there and read in the rain, while dry and ensconced in my car. Honestly it’s the only time I have to read. Logan gets in and clicked, and away we go. Logan chatters all the way home about how it’s sunny AND raining at the same time! I love how his child-enthusiasm hasn’t let up one iota through age, yet. Get home, unpack/dejacket, snack, and he gets an hour on the xbox before it’s time for his night at the grandparents. I whip up some of my crystal lite (I don’t care for plain water, so this is my compromise for getting more water into me). And – I turn on the heater for the first time this season. I know, I live in southern California, but it’s also storming out. We’re to have a low of 44 tonight, which is unusual for this time of year.

2:10pm-2:45pm

Another feed read and email check session. By the way – go read this, “What Makes a ‘Good Mother.’” AWESOME post. Love Carmen. Yes, yes, and yes. I commented there – but I’ll tell you here what I said. Instead of asking ourselves or others what makes a “good” mother, we should ask what makes a “human” mother. I declare myself a Human Mother. Finished up my paid work for the day and submitted my time.

2:45pm-3:10pm

Worked on the school newspaper for Logan’s school. It’s one thing I can do from home, and contribute to the school, without having to deal a whole lot with other people. I don’t play well with others. Takes a good many hours throughout the year – so I feel like I actually do something for them. Oh, and Darnit! Make a mental note to myself to make more bread tomorrow. We’re out, and it’s too late to do it, as baking the bread/rising dough will interfere with dinner, ’cause I’m using the oven tonight. Planning fail. Welcome Joseph home and get him his snack. Send Logan off to the grandparents.

3:10pm-3:40pm

Changes to dinner. Pasta instead of beans, and I’m trying to find an easy biscuit recipe with the stuff I have on hand to go with. Apparently the rain brings out starchy cravings.

3:40pm-5:40pm

Decide that I’m making this dinner entirely more complicated than it needs to be but move ahead with it anyway. Prep dry ingredients for biscuits, prep corn, and decide I might can pull off making those loaves of bread, too, while I’m at it. Apparently cold = domesticity. Anywho… Cooked dinner ate it. Burned the hell out of my thumb. Joseph liked everything. It’s a miracle. (No, really. It’s a miracle.)

5:40pm-5:55pm

Taking a break for perusing feeds and bookmarks.

5:55pm-7:15pm

Make two loaves of bread that can sit overnight in the fridge for baking tomorrow. Misjudge my mixer and flour and judiciously flour my kitchen. Clean up baking and dinner dishes, pots and pans, and wipe down kitchen. Take another full bowl out to the pile. Set some stuff to soak. Poe goes down for his nighttime nap. Run the dishwasher. Pack up Poe’s lunch/drinks for tonight in his cooler. Set the coffee for tomorrow. Put my cell on the charger. Grab anything I think I’ll need for the evening. Change into pajamas. Take ibuprofen for a seriously aching knee. I think it’s the rain. Put salve on my thumb.

7:15pm-10:15pm

Watch some youtube videos and read some websites on some interests and research I’m doing. This whole time Joseph’s playing the xbox as much as he wants. It’s his only night without video game limits.

10:15pm-11pm

I am exhausted. But it feels wrong to go to bed before Poe goes to work, and Joseph gets to stay up late (Friday). Poe gets up, gives Joseph his meds, and puts him to bed. He gets some caffeine in him, and gets dressed and is off to work. Every.single.night. I say, “Iloveyoupleasebecareful.” It’s a mantra. If I don’t get to say it for some reason I will call him on his cell. At his jobsite he has already been attached by a drunk (Poe flipped him over his shoulder, cuffed him, and sat on him until the police got there), witnessed a prostitute get seriously in trouble and beat-down from her pimp, and witnessed a stabbing. I must say my mantra to keep him safe (I didn’t say I was logical or reasonable. And I’m tired.). He leaves, and I go to bed.

That’s my normal Friday. Add crises, mix well, and another version will come out.

 

 

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