So, I woke up this morning at 6am to Poe pouting. No internet access. I start panicking but realize the bill is paid. So, I start the whole ugly process. Resetting the router, rebooting the machine, doing the diagnostics, are all the connections connected etc. No dice. So, I called AT&T’s customer service, and go through the whole recorded thing, which hung up on me so I could do all the stuff I already did. So I called back. As I was doing sudoku puzzles while waiting on hold for 20 minutes, the internet magically came back on.
I can fix the innernets with my mind. I’m just that good.
I may piss people off with this one, but so be it. There’s a video that has gone viral. It has folks up in arms both for and against. I’m FOR. So here’s the video. And then I break down my thoughts below. *Warning: There is cussing, so no little kids – but hey… Have your teenagers watch it – we’re actually going to have our kids watch it, swearing and all. And the swearing actually comes from the teenager’s post, not the parent.
My thoughts, which I posted as a comment on the video in a highly condensed fashion:
I think posting this video on her wall is a stroke of genius. The folks whining about how embarrassing that is and shame on him? Um. Number one, she opened that door. Number two, he’s posting on her forum – meaning this is the way she communicates with the world. He’s doing it on her turf, in other words. That’s a greater impact, her friends may think twice about disrespecting their own parents, and it’s a step up in consequence from the last time they tried to “ground” her for doing something similar. Does she have the right to bemoan her life, in all her teenage angsty glory? Absolutely. In her own head, in her private journal, or in a rant to her best friend. So – when she took this to her Facebook friends (Everyone repeat after me: The Internet Is Forever.) she crossed the line, and he’s bringing it right back on her head.
Some of the commenters don’t seem to get that she did something similar and had her privileges taken away (computer, phone, etc). They already went down that road, and she apparently didn’t learn anything from it. In addition, the child just didn’t use her brain – she has an IT guy for a dad.
Respect for your parents is extremely important, and really sets the basis for your interactions within the family dynamic. If I birth, clothe, shelter, and feed you, give you love, don’t abuse you, and discipline you so you’re ready for your entrance into adulthood, I demand respect. Period. It’s my job to train you. It’s your job to learn. Pissing me off is basically pissing in your own pond. In addition to making me mad, it just makes your life, and those around you, more difficult. And respect for other humans in general? Dude. I’m so glad he called her on her attitude towards Linda (a lady that cleans their home in a services/barter type situation).
Paying for chores doesn’t happen around here. I do believe we’re going to start giving allowances… Probably based on a point system. The kids need to learn how to manage money BEFORE they leave the nest, and they cannot do that without actually having money to manage. But it’s not going to be based on chores they’re supposed to do. This is a family. This is our home. First, they need to learn a level of responsibility for their own things. Second, this is a FAMILY. It’s a family home. It needs to be run, we all need to live here, and Mom (aka Me) is NOT the slave, she’s the General. Everyone should have some responsibility in having the home run. Not only do kids need to actually learn the stuff of cleaning and cooking and running a home for when they’re out on their own, they need practice doing it. I left home without knowing how to manage money, without knowing how to clean, without knowing how to do laundry, and without knowing how to cook. Seriously. I had to learn everything on my own – and it was hard, because when I made mistakes, I didn’t know how to correct them. I don’t want that for my kids. I did have chores at home. Keeping my room picked up, and emptying the dishwasher and such. But mom didn’t actually TEACH any of the actual skills I would need later. Further – everyone lives here. A family is a unit, and everyone should have a hand in how it functions. We’re a unit, therefore the responsibilities need to be taken as a unit, otherwise they won’t have any respect for the work that needs to be done, and they won’t learn how to have pride in the results of labor.
As for teenagers having jobs… That’s, I think, dependent on the child. For example, I’ve worked since I was 12. I started out babysitting, and as soon as I was 16 (legal to work) I was working. I worked, all through Jr. High and High School. I got A’s and B’s on my report card, spent 4 years in the Band and Color Guard, and worked every.single.day. for 4 hours (half time) after school. I had to pay for my own car insurance, gas, clothes, extras like music, and food (including lunch at school). After high school, I worked full time, and went to school 3/4 time. I paid for my own books. Now, in my own kid’s life, I don’t know how we’ll handle it. Quite frankly, they have trouble in school. I think the added pressure of a job would seriously effect their education, so I don’t know that we’ll go that route. I don’t disagree with it in theory, but we’ll have to see how they mature. With their particular issues, it may, honestly, be asking for too much of them. But I’ll tell you what. With as much trouble as Poe and I have had in life – If I didn’t have the work ethic that was instilled in me, I’m not sure I would have been able to mentally survive.
Computers and kids… Having a computer is a privilege, not a right. Having a phone is a privilege, not a right. Right now, my kids do NOT have a computer. If they need it to do school work, they borrow ours. We have promised them that if they ever bring home all A’s on their report card, we’ll have the discussion of having their own. Until then, it’s up to us. We have a computer I’ll be setting up for them. Right next to me. I take very seriously the concept of The Internet Is Forever. I understand that we’re in a connected generation. But I think people need to learn how to think and survive without technology first, and then use the technology as a tool to make life easier (or more entertaining) later on. Life skills first, make it easier later. My children do not have phones. Later on, when they’re older, and spending more time away from us, we’ll consider getting them. But wanting a phone to be connected to friends (as one of my sons is currently begging me) is not a good reason.
The generation coming forward, and we’re just starting to see effects of, is a gimme, precious snowflake, participation trophy generation. Let’s get one thing straight. Once you’re out in the real world, you have to work for everything. You have to work for your education. You have to work for your living. You have to work to keep your personal environment the way you want it. Hopefully, you’re able to do things you love – but the work is still there. It never goes away, life is hard. It’s up to YOU to make it rewarding as well. I think we do our children a disservice when we don’t teach them this.
Quite a few commenters said he wasn’t being respectful to her and her property. Yeah, um. Who paid for it? He embarrassed her, how dare he? (Oh, that poor precious snowflake). They said he should be brought up on charges with CPS. I found a comment from someone who claims to work for CPS. They said that 1) He didn’t harm her. 2) He didn’t threaten to harm her. 3) They wouldn’t even come out on a call like this.
Frankly, this is my style of parenting. I’ve taken toys away. Not for a time – but for good. Doors come off hinges. Locks get put on things. My kids have issues, they definitely have. But they are respectful of us, to us, to their grandparents, and to other adults. They are well behaved. They try in school. They have “fun stuff.” They laugh. They’re hugged. They’re loved on. And we expect respect, and to live up to their responsibilities, or face the consequences. We fashion the consequences to make to MOST impact possible, and follow through. The grandparents, especially, think we’re particularly harsh. And we do have to toe a weird line of “is this disrespect/disobedience or part of his mental disorder” that most parents don’t have to deal with. But my kids absolutely know what to expect from us, always. I’m not coddling babies here, I’m trying to train developing minds to be successful adults. We must adjust to abilities, and adjust to maturing/changing/developing brains and hormones. But that doesn’t change our style, or the outcome we’re looking for.
They say… that the school system is good. Homeschooling is bad. Protect our teachers! They help our kids!
In one school in the Los Angeles school district, one teacher is being investigated after doing seriously nasty things (after a film developer was like, “ew” and alerted the cops – Related: how dumb is he to try and get his bondage photos developed?) and another is being investigated in the same school for abuse allegations. My kids, while we live in Los Angeles County, are in their own school districts, so technically, this isn’t “our problem.” I’m still extremely frustrated though – these are children, and my kids attend public school.
Many parents said they want to know how the alleged acts happened during school hours.
IN THE CLASSROOM, during the school day. I’d want to know too.
Parents of several alleged victims are already taking legal action. Some victims said they told a school counselor about the alleged abuse, but they weren’t taken seriously and were reportedly told, “It’s not very good to make stories up.”
My kid has been suspended in the past because another kids said he hit him – and no one saw. There were no witnesses. And yet, he was suspended for a week, and the counselors were all over it. (Turns out the other kid was a bully that ultimately drove my child crazy – not not an exaggeration. We removed him to another school after a stay in a mental institution.) “Some victims” constitutes more than one. Why didn’t they do their job? MORE THAN ONE. What the fuck?
Attorneys for the victims said the school and the district failed to protect the students.
“Rather than take the steps to protect these kids, rather than making sure the door is open, make sure that there’s a monitor, check to see that he’s doing things properly, interview some of the students…what they did is they sanitized his file,” said attorney Raymond P. Boucher. “They took those complaints out and trashed them, so that the next time a complaint happened or took place, nobody knew anything about it.”
Shame on them. This takes “Administrative bureaucracy,” of which I have a lot of experience, to a whole new level.
The school board is expected to call for the firing of Springer on Tuesday. But under California law, neither the board nor the superintendent can fire a teacher. The case has to go before an administrative law judge and a three-teacher panel. During the process, Springer would be placed on paid administrative leave. Berndt was fired in March 2011 shortly after his investigation began.
Sickening.
Even if the two men are convicted of the crimes, they would still receive their pensions under state law.
I thought under California law you weren’t allowed to profit from your crimes. Considering one guy is an alleged abuser of 18 years at the same school, I think this constitutes profiting, considering he got paid to go in teach AND abuse. That’s sickening.
Yeah. Those folks who want teachers’ salaries dependent upon performance? That want folks to be able to be fired for cause? They are called crazy. This? Is disgusting. They’re not crazy.
Logan had a 3rd grade “performance” this morning. Including percussion instruments. It was… painful and enthusiastic all at the same time! Cymbal players are very enthusiastic. Logan played the vibes, and I really need to get him into percussion class. The kid has an inherent talent. No, I’m not just taking about my kid ’cause he’s perfect. Joseph has absolutely no rhythm whatsoever, but is a talented artist. I know percussion (band geek) and he’s got “it.” So, the morning was spent reminding Poe not to laugh every time there was this random enthusiastic cymbal hit out of no where.
We were second into the auditorium, which meant we sat right in front. So Poe, being Poe, went up the mom who was there first to congratulate her. Don’t ask. Poe’s just like that, and when he’s had no sleep from working all night, I pick my battles. Anyway, we start talking to this mom, and I’m trying to be cool. Mom talk – school talk – who’s your kid, what class, any other kids… You know, parental chit chat. Why is this surreal? Because she’s an Academy Award winning actress we’re having this long conversation with. I won’t say who, ’cause lots of folks know where I live, and I don’t want to invade her privacy. She was lovely. What’s funny is, I’ve seen her around the school, and I thought to myself, “I wonder if anyone’s ever told her she looks just like…” Doh. And then the PTA President came up and we were talking about a job I do for the school.
And now I’m home working.
Surreal day. I look forward to seeing if anything else happens today. It’s just that kind of day.
My son had to write a story for school that he made up. It will eventually be published in hardback with his illustrations. I won’t tell you the story verbatim, but here’s the basic gist: A boy is out on a boat, and he’s having troubles, so his three friends come to help him. As they’re bringing the boat back, limping along, they come upon a shark (IT WAS A SHARK! – My son has already mastered the “caps is yelling rule.”) So, the three friends harpoon it to save their lives. The come back to shore to have shark sushi. The end.
The rough draft came back.
No harpoons. No killing. Or come up with a different story all together.
We aren’t talking about a killing rampage. Or of a murderous person. Or of random animal killing for fun. Boys on an adventure in a ship kill a threat on the sea, thus saving themselves.
Apparently, this is the result of the “no tolerance” ban on weapons in the school. I’m surprised he wasn’t suspended, what with that threatening weapon on the page and all.
I have no idea of what to do. It’s not like I want to make my son the poster boy for free speech, or the poster boy in creativity without censorship. Apparently, if that’s not what I want, I have to instead teach my child the art of bending over gracefully and say, “Thank you. May I have another.”
I kind of hate parenting right now. And the school. And the school district. This is a fight we can’t win, so we’re not even going to try. Frankly, I have quite enough to deal with thanks… what with the psychiatrist appointment for my oldest later this week, and my mother trying to fry her dentures in flour last night (she wanted fried chicken. seriously.). Homeschool never looked better, frankly. But I kind of don’t have time for THAT too.
OK. So, the military will be training in Los Angeles. That link is from local news, main stream. It has a tone of, “Don’t worry, nothing to see here.” I live in a suburb town about 10 minutes (ok, an hour with traffic, Good Lord the traffic) from Los Angeles.
The “tin foil hat” sites that I frequent are BLOWING.UP. I’m not going to share those links with you. I’m just going to share my thoughts.
The military has entire installations with all kinds of settings for training – as well it should. My husband, a former Marine, has trained in whole urban towns, sewers and all, for potential urban atmospheres. Those urban towns are on base. So, I immediately come to the thought of why is Los Angeles necessary?
With the various conflicts around the world, people angry with the United States, and the mere names of Iran and Israel creating anxiety, there’s certainly the threat of war. With the defense act, Agenda 21, FEMA camps, and US citizens having the potential of being held without trial, there’s the threat of domestic issues. With public unrest and anxiety in regards to our economy, the state of our government, and how that has effected all of us at home (we literally have 1/3 the income we did 3 years ago), there is a serious sense of unease to the point of civil unrest (the Occupy movement, the Tea Party, and more).
So, when I hear that the military is training in Los Angeles, I think of two scenarios, international (incoming attacks), and domestic (martial law). In both cases, I think “What are they not telling us?”
What are they not telling us? What do they know? What are they preparing for?
I find conspiracy theories fascinating, true. I frequent the Tin Foil Hat sites and marvel. I don’t necessarily subscribe. I’m a level headed creature. I would love nothing more than to work hard, play hard, be able to pay my bills, get rid of debt, save for emergencies, college, and retirement. Someday, I’d love to own a home in Alaska – the beauty is breathtaking. In truth, right now, I struggle to feed my family AND pay all the bills. But I can dream. I think they’re simple dreams. But I feel like a cloud is about to come over us – personally, and as a country. I’m seeing little things here and there, but the picture coming together as a whole is beginning to scare me. I don’t like it, and feel powerless against it. And due to our financial situation, I feel ill-equipped to handle whatever may come our way. That last bit makes me feel anxious.
Disclosure: I am an intelligent human being. I do not suffer from any mental disorders coloring my thoughts according to my therapist.
I get a lot of pitches. LOTS of pitches. I chuck them daily, and only read the ones addressed to ME, not “Dear Ms.,” “Hi,” or “Dear Mommyblogger.” You see I’m pretty clear on my blog, if you know where to look (and I would think PR folks would know where to look), that I do have a review blog, where to contact me, who I am, etc. I tend to only read the ones from networks I belong to and work with, or the ones addressed to, “Dear Michele.”
This one was addressed to ME. So I opened it. Here it is in all its glory.
Dear Michele,
Happy Holidays!
We’d love your opinion on our new e-book/app for kids, “The Worst Book Ever!” The description is below.
Thank you! [REDACTED] ———————————
The Worst Book Ever! (available for iPhone and iPad via iTunes)
Does your child love to eat mushrooms, apply sunscreen, do chores, and go to bed early? We didn’t think so. But they’ll still love this highly misguided story, filled with all the things your kids dread doing. The interactive format allows them to experience:
* the excitement of extracting splinters * the exhilaration of flossing teeth * the thrill of portable potties * the adrenaline rush of a piano recital * the hilarity of visiting the doctor * and so much more!
If you’re not convinced already, take a look at what readers are saying:
“Whatever you do, don’t buy this book.”
“I thought it would be bad, but I had no idea.”
“Lives up to its title.”
“If you’re looking for fine children’s literature, keep looking.”
“It was worse than even my very lowest expectations.”
There was no link. There was nothing else. I was thinking… Joke? Clever marketing attempt? Frankly, I don’t get it and am left scratching my head in a WTF moment.
My dad is 77 years old. A couple of years ago, he got a computer.
You’re looking at “Tech Support.”
Anyway, he’s still in the email phase of email forwards of every single funny thing he’s sent. And no, I’m not about to attempt to explain “BCC” to him, so if I have your email address and you didn’t want me to? I apologize. I pick my battles.
Anyway, he sent me the following. It’s cute – thought I’d share.
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should’ve known…
ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Nothing is wrong, per se. My father and assorted clients are just making today a real Monday, with a capital M, you know? I needed a break, so I thought I’d post something that Carmen posted on her anniversary that really spoke to me. She found it on Pinterest, so hopefully the attribution is correct.
He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.
As part of the BlogHer Life Well Lived series, we were asked this question:
The holidays make me so anxious! How can I stay organized this year?
It has taken me years to come to the point I am at. What point is that? The point at which I no longer care what everyone else does. Others’ perception of what I “should” be doing no longer matter.
I used to think I wanted the “perfect” Christmas. With the lights, and the presents, the traditions, the perfect children anticipating Santa, the family togetherness… Everyone in my life should receive a gift. My children should receive every single thing on their list. The biggest tree my ceiling will allow.
A few things that helped slap me silly: My children love Santa in THEORY. The man in the suit? Not so much. I have maybe two Santa Pics of my kids. They flat out refused to sit on that man’s lap – and speak? Oh Hells No. I am not going to force them. My children are not perfect, nor are they perfectly behaved. While I actively parent them, discipline them, and teach them, they are not, and never will be perfect. Nor is it their job to fulfill my own holiday fantasies. Money troubles for the last three years means that we have to prioritize how/what will be under the tree. And the work? All me, baby. Which means that this fantasy of mine? It’s all my fault and I’m a terrible person if it doesn’t come out “right.” Jesus seemed to be missing in all of this. In our house, we celebrate this season as a celebration of Jesus’ birth, and that’s a decision I had to make internally first.
So, I eventually started telling myself that I would do what I could, when I could, and how I wanted to do it. Some traditions emerged that my children remember, love, and ask for. Now… I make those traditions happen. I had a reality check of what matters. I prioritized. I took a gut check of what I could do, and was both personally, and financially capable of. That’s how I got rid of the anxiety.
I don’t have a list of organizational tips for others. Some of our traditions are not what other “normal” folks do (example: On Christmas Day, I bake a homemade birthday cake for Jesus. And yes, we sing Happy Birthday. To outsiders, it seems odd in a Christmas celebration). But my biggest advice is this; figure out what is true for YOU, and then create that reality. For my kids, husband, and I, some homemade fudge, and sitting down for a reminder that we’ll shoot our eye out? THAT’S Christmas Eve. Some new PJ’s as the ONE gift to open on Christmas Eve. Orange cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Nothing terribly fancy. Nothing terribly taxing. The only thing I do that I can think of as a true “tip,” Like Stays With Like. Christmas decorations are all stored together. During the season, wrapping supplies are all in one place. The gifts needing to be wrapped or hidden (wrapped or not, a certain amount magically appear overnight on Christmas Eve) are all in one place. I don’t stash. I stash, I lose.
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