Yesterday morning I talked to a doctor. I literally picked up the phone in a “I should call them” move. I was putting the phone down, thinking “give them an hour, and then call” when the phone rang. Eerie. They thought that Joseph was at a point where we can treat him on an outpatient basis.
On the one hand, of course I’m glad my family is back together. On the other hand, now that he’s home it feels like, “DON’T FUCK THIS UP MOM.” Yes, he has mental illness. Yes, we have doctors, therapists, medications, and a special school. But still, he’s only 12, so I feel like while we give him a bunch of tools for living – I still feel a lot of pressure to make sure he’s doing what he needs to do, and NOT doing what he needs to NOT do. Considering the reason for his visit to the hospital, too, I’m not exactly sleeping easy.
Next is getting him into his psychiatrist today. I know he had some qualms about the dosage on the medication, but we’ll be talking about that in the office and can make changes if we need to. Once that appointment is under our belt, we’ll need to do a re-entry IEP at school. They basically need to take this latest information and turn it into a safety plan/add it to his IEP.
Yesterday, all I wanted to do was sleep when 4pm hit. I think everything was finally hitting me, and I could barely move. I’ve done really well about not losing it until that point. But? He was home. I think my body was making it clear it was done, thank you very much.
So. Things are not at the “All Clear” point. I would put it this way. When he was at school, not feeling safe, and asking to be put somewhere safe? We’ll call that Code Red Critical. In the hospital, but safe? We’ll call that Critical. Now that he’s home, I’d call it Serious, but definitely not stable. We are so not Stable yet.
I would also like to thank two ladies who reached out personally. I’m not calling them out since they emailed me. But thank you. I really appreciate what you had to say. There have been some family issues that have been less than supportive, and I really appreciate that you took the time.
The Joseph is Home by Sparks and Butterflies, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.