All kinds of things go through my head as to what to post in this kind of thing.
How is Joseph doing?
How are we coping?
How Logan handling it all?
But taking the time to actually write it down as I’m living it seems to take more energy than I have right now.
To top it all off, I landed a new client. But she’s a VA Firm, which means, I’ve actually landed 3 clients through her. In and of itself that’s a fabulous thing. But. It means I’m working full time now. And juggling like the best Vegas-juggler you’ve ever… EVER… seen. I landed her one week to the day before Joseph landed in the hospital. I’m giving her full disclosure and all, I can’t lose the gig. But it makes my stress level that much higher.
So. How is Logan handling it? Short answer is an influx of good boy syndrome. We’re trying to just let him be, and take him on our visits when he asks. That’s even a hard decision. I mean, he’s 10. Should he be vising his brother in a facility like that? On the other hand, he most definitely was getting curious. It’s a 4 hour round trip, so we would be disappearing for most of his awake time at night, and he’s been spending that with grandpa. We’re having all kinds of serious discussions he’s not a part of. His brother is “sick” somehow, but he doesn’t have a broken leg. Also, because he’s our accident prone child with a heart condition, he’s seen his share of hospitals for his EKGs, Echos, and stitches. He was questioning why he’s so far away. We’ve explained it as best we could. (How do you explain that someone tried to kill Joseph in the last hospital he was in, so we requested a different hospital in BFE?) So, he came to his own conclusions. The hospitals near us are for stitches. Okay. We’ll go with that. After his first visit when we were pulling into our driveway at bedtime for him, I said, “So, now you know what we’ve been doing at night.” He replied, “Now I know how much you love your kids.” I almost cried right there. He’s 10. He shouldn’t be having deep thoughts at 10. He should be arguing about cleaning his room, and trying to finagle more Legos. But – now that nothing is mysterious, he’s doing better with the situation. And Joseph likes it. When we leave, he hugs Logan, and since we all visit in the same room, he let some of his fellow patients know, proudly, “This is my little brother.”
How we’re coping? I don’t know. There’s lots of gallows humor, a lot of scheduling, and lots of breathing. There’s been a lot of laughing.
As for Joseph, he’s still in the hospital. We all want him better before he comes home. So, I’ve voluntarily committed him. Essentially, everyone seems to agree that Joseph is not suicidal, but OCD. The problem is, his current particular intrusive thoughts are of him dying. So he’s in the hospital until we figure out his correct meds, in the right dosage, and turn the obsessive thoughts to something else. I feel like the best and worst mother in the world, to be honest. But, if I were to be a sissy and not commit my “precious snowflake” so I wouldn’t have it on my conscience, they probably would force a two week hold. Two week hold means court. Court means record. Record means deleting potential opportunities from his future I have no business deleting from him at the age of 12. So – I suck up the judgement (including my own) and signed the papers.
He is having some trouble with his roommate and that sucks. The kid beat on him, and so Joseph told on him. Therefore the roommate calls him a snitch, and called me a whore.
And THANK YOU for having to make me explain “whore” to my 12 year old.
So I assured Joseph that the comments of a sick kid to not effect me. I’m a big girl, and he’s acting out. Poe explained to him that this isn’t the first time it’s going to happen. Boys (and sometimes men) have a tendency to break out the “Mamas” when they’ve got no other ammunition, and gave him some tips in handling situations like that. We also told Joseph to keep snitching – even if the other kids doesn’t like it. He’s there for a reason, and the hospital can’t help him if they don’t know the facts. Joseph seems to understand about all of that – but he’s seriously done with this kid.
Other than that, Joseph understands what’s going on, and is being proactive in his treatment. He also feels safe, so he’s not begging to come home. He wants to feel better, and had asked to be put somewhere safe, so this is most definitely partly his call. He’s going to be there until at least Monday. I’ll be talking to the doctors again on Monday. We had to switch the visits to every other day. I feel bad about that. But we have a truck. It’s our only vehicle. Poe works relatively close to home. So – one fill up per week is what the budget can tolerate. Filling up every other day due to the distance? The budget can’t handle that and we’re out of money. So, we switched to every other day. Joseph seems okay with it, as long as I tell him every time we go when he’ll next see us. And we’re there every time we say we are. He’s trusting us at out word at the moment. We’ve never let him down if we’ve said “ABC is going to happen.” We always add a “maybe” or a “this isn’t a promise” when we’re not sure – otherwise we always follow through consistently, including consequences when we’re talking behavior, so he’s been able to trust that we’ll be there, and so it’s not effecting him as much as it could, thank God. Every time we go, I also give him an update on what’s going on with the doctors, and what we think is going on with him, what we’re doing with his meds, etc. One – he has a brain, and needs to know what’s going on with him. Two – we’ve never shielded him from, well, himself. We’ve always been up front. Because his issues do not effect intelligence, cognitive functioning, or putting concepts together, we’ve felt it important that he has full knowledge. And when necessary, takes responsibility. He’s going to have to live this way. Plus, I want him to know that while he’s in there, he’s not forgotten. He hasn’t been tucked away as a “problem” and we’re proactively helping him from the outside. That’s very important.
That’s all I got for now.
The An Update by Sparks and Butterflies, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.