Merry-Go-Round

I’m not sure what I want to say here. I’m a little numb, a little dumb, exhausted, and I still have to work, fend for another child, manage my husband’s schedule, all with a sinus infection.

But – Joseph’s in the hospital again. Suicidal ideation, with a plan. In other words, he doesn’t want to die, but can’t get the pictures out of his head (obsessive compulsive) and he was afraid he would be worn down enough to do it.

Three day hold. We’ll see how it goes.

I have to drive two hours to get to this hospital. But – it was the only one with a bed so he didn’t have to go to the previous hospital we had such a terrible experience with.

There’s a lot of good and bad in this.

Bad – compulsive thoughts
Good – he recognized them

Bad – have to call a PET team in
Good – no handcuffs, everyone’s calm, his personal psychiatric team was involved, no drama

Bad – he has to be hospitalized
Good – he recognized the need and asked to be safe

Bad – 4 hours round trip to see him for our allotted hour each day
Good – He’s not at the hospital where someone tried to kill him

I have no answers. I have no help. I have no idea what’s going to happen in the next few days. I sure as hell don’t have the money for this. I’m trying to take it day by day.

Today, we have food in the house, and he’s safe. I can’t really worry much beyond that and remain sane myself.

The Merry-Go-Round by Sparks and Butterflies, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.