Perhaps you’ve noticed that I dropped out of site for like, a week. And if you didn’t – well that’s just a blow to the ego so keep it to yourself mmmkay?
I was sick a couple weeks back. And just as I was coming out of my fog and getting caught up with stuff at home and stuff at work, Logan became ill. Very ill. Picture 104 degree fever spikes, two doctor’s visits (plus copays), two prescriptions (plus copays), and lots of cold medicine and ibuprofen. For a week. Out of school. The poor kid. He had the flu, plus an eye infection, plus an ear infection. The scary thing is – he showed NO symptoms until he spiked a fever. No red eyes. No stuffy nose. No cough. No tugging on the ear – or even any pain since he’s old enough to tell me.
A 104 fever at midnight is a scary proposition for any parent. Couple that with a congenital heart defect. And then couple that with the ONLY admonition the doctors have ever given you regarding said heart, “The only thing we have to worry about right now is infection. We HAVE to stop the infection before it gets to his heart.”
So, I’ve been caring for him, worried out of my mind, and now that he’s better, I barely remember the last week.
The worry a parent feels – that deep down is this more than I think it is worry – is so very draining. It sucks the life out of you. If you could take their place, you would. If you could make it go away you would. You’re willing to become a horrible person in your kid’s eyes so you can make them better. When they look at you with hatred as they cough down the foul medicine, or stare at you with wonder when you hold them down for a shot, a little piece of you dies inside. Because they just don’t understand that you’re doing what needs to be done to make them better, whole, well.
You can only hope that they forgive you with their wide big hearts, and understand when they have children of their own.