Not better
Mom’s back in the hospital again. It’s the best place for her though at this point. I’m numb. After almost losing her, it’s limbo again. Am I worried? Yes. Am I anxious? Yes. Does this put a crimp in some plans? Yes. Do I want to know WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER? Yes. But I feel like I should be feeling something more. Something… More. I’m numb. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know if I’m just a cold calous person? A cold dead heart? Or is it all gonna hit me like a ton of bricks and I’ll be a mess? Or have a just merrilly moved right along, brushing past the big feelings because they hurt like I’ve done for most of my life? I’m numb.
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